One Virgin, Many Deaths

A Stageplay

By Geoff Adeleye (Nigeria)

Act 1, Scene 5

        

                                  ACT I

                                            Scene V

                                     
                                                 The same
                                            Enter BELARU and SADALO
SADALO: Oh, sir, astonishingly you’ve let me down! I’m not
convinced you’re oblivious of this fact: you’re stringing out the whole
   kit and caboodle as your zeal depreciates to inaction: an elaboration
   of your loss of verve for this hot exigency; and you wouldn’t
   be absolved, if eventually I get a licking. I wouldn’t know, you
   must expatiate, how the simplicity of this issue is panning out
   to complexity of its reality. [BELARU is transfixed] I must confess,
   you don’t play fair on me.
RELARU [deeply hurt]: Nonsense! Odd fool! Death to your
   gut-wrenching mouth! Why are you so anal-retentive? Can’t
   you sympathise with me a moment? My home is coming apart all
   for you, as house becomes a regular bedlam – you see, this chips away
   at my peace, disrupts my thinking, blurs my minds.
SADALO: Why hasn’t been a. swing of stride?
BELARU: Do you yet pick on me?
SADALO: It’ll be infamous if your promise is a fad.
BELARU: How did you think that up? Oh, I’m disappointed in you!
   Don’t you know you’re vying with those who are streets ahead? I
   tell you, except for the advantage I seek; supporting is like forcing
   a square peg in a round hole.
SADALO [startled]: Ah, you’ve finished me!
BELARU: You know your rash action brought it up.
SADALO: I tender apology, sir.
BELARU: Look, you’re becoming bete noire, and that could make me
   get nasty at any slightest provocation. You’ve got to modify
   your feelings otherwise.
SADALO: I just want it done at top speed.
BELARU: As for this issue, I think I’ve had my chips: no one defers to
   me any more in this house. [breaks down]
SADALO: Sir, do you weep?
BELARU: It’s like I’m caught in a web. Son, do you know how a
   covetous goat feels, that got its head stuck into a tin seeking a few
   grains of maize?
SADALO: No, I can’t even guess. Only God knows.
BELARU: My condition is worse than that. Oh, I’ve enmeshed myself!
SADALO: Sir, how do we do?
BELARU: Hastily done, badly resulted. You need to be patient.
SADALO [annoyed]: Everyday patience! Patience! What’s patience?
BELARU: Patience is servitude of mind.
SADALO: How long?
BELARU: In a trice, you know, hurry can’t do the trick.
   Life, as a journey, terminates at any spot
   Those that get rash soon lose the plot
   And couldn’t travel as far as they please
   However, they travel long that travel with ease.
SADALO: What is next, sir?
BELARU:  We soon shape things to forms. Only be unruffled.
SADALO: Sir, I’d cleared the bigger forest.
BELARU [happy, jumps up, punches the air]: Oh, you’re unstoppable!
   Relax, you get married to her; with all probity, I assure you.
                                    Enter RENATE
SADALO [blissful]: Oh, she’s come! Mine! Honey!
RENATE [eyes him very awkwardly and hisses]: Guff! You talk thrash!
SADALO: Be no more truculent. There’s no room for expostulation.
RENATE [claps her hands in derision]: You nerd, what do you amount
   to?
SADALO: Invaluable substance!
RENATE: So priceless, so dud! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
SADALO: Truly, I’m not convinced you know my worth.
RENATE: A plebeian of reduced circumstance!
SADALO: You lied!
RENATE: What a loathsome, bald vulture! [makes as if she spits]
SADALO: Oh, uncultured, untutored woman spitting about the house!
   Come over where you’ll be taught hygiene! I’m afraid you might turn
   my house to a sty if I get married to you.
RENATE [hisses]: After all, you’re dying over me.
SADALO: Be patient to wait until I kill myself. Nonsense!
RENATE: What an awkward encounter so embittering!      [Exit RENATE
SADALO: Sir, all the while, you didn’t utter a word.
BELARU: “We don’t commit a crime by mere looking”, say the elders.
SADALO: Look, it’s time we took stock.
                                Enter TODERO
TODERO [prostrates and greets]; Good evening, sir!
BELARU [sharply]: Get lost! I don’t need your greeting!
SADALO: Is he a relative?
BELARU: No!
SADALO: Who’s he then looking superb in this gaily attire?
BELARU: You’re too inquisitive. Questionable nerves do engulf you.
   Be composed. He knows himself better than I do; so let him introduce
   himself.
SADALO: Youngman, who’re you? Alternatively, what’s your mission
   here?
TODERO: If you hear it; definitely, you’ll get beside yourself.
SADALO: Declare it! You can’t make me quail!
TODERO [proudly]: I’m Todero, Renate’s fiancé.
SADALO: Get lost! Look at you is that an invention? You don’t stands
   a chance.
                    Enter YEMELU, looking fierce like a hungry lion
TODERO [as usual, prostrates and greets]: You’re welcome, madam!
YEMELU: Thanks my man! [begins with her insulting manner] I hope
   these hidebound scoundrels haven’t manhandled you, have they?
SADALO: Enough of your expletives!
YEMELU: Keep quiet, there!
SADALO: Aren’t you off your trolley?
TODERO: Who’s he, madam?
YEMELU: That idiot wants to marry Renate.
TODERO: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! His case is laughable!
                                   Enter RENATE
   Oh, my dear!
RENATE [like her mother, very insulting]: Nonsense! Let thunder
   split that your dirty mouth! [BELARU and SADALO lose into
   deafening guffaw]
BELARU: What a beautiful shame!
SADALO: No, noble ignominy! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
YEMELU [very furious, darts to RENATE]: Did you abuse my
   man before my eyes? [looks straight into her eyes, suddenly lifts a
   huge punch] Be careful. Don’t make fun of me.
BELARU [rises on his feet]: Daughter, your mother’s ravings are
   no menace but embarrassing folly. That her lubricious man looking
   like a self-apprehended thief doesn’t fit into you, does he?
RENATE: No, he doesn’t!
BELARU: Good, gracious daughter, please move closer. [RENATE
   does, collects her right hand] And you likewise [speaking to SADALO]
  Bring your hand. [quickly join their hands together] Today, I declare
   you husband and wife.
SADALO [happy, moshes here and there]: It’s time to rejoice! I’ve
   carried everything! It fared well!
RENATE: This’s just a joke – it can’t work!
BELARU: Release yourself into celebrating mood. This’s the fruit of
   your labour, eat and relax!
SADALO [spreads his hands to the roof]: Oh, whiff of joy scuds
   across my heart imprinting peace, settled peace!
BELARU: Go in modern system, give your wife a kiss – no, far better,
   a snog! [RENATE attempts to run out but SADALO catches up
   with her, holds her behind, she struggles to free herself but he holds
   her very tightly, kisses her at a cheek]
SADALO: Clad with velvety skin, compacted with heat –ah, I’m ready
   to die for you!
RENATE [rubbing her cheek with her hand]: Oh, I’m polluted! [cries
TODERO [very ill at ease]: Mother, why are you so indifferent? Is it
   time to be looking cool like a wounded lamb? I hold abhorrence of
   this unsolicited calmness. Please, do something worthwhile now.
YEMELU [feels the sting of ardent passion whirs herself to RENATE,
   grasps her hand]: Look, I’m too important to be trifled with; don’t
   wait until I evince atrocity before you know I could be destructive.
   Todero is best-fitted man. [To TODERO] This’s your wife, you too
   kiss her.
RENATE [protesting]: No, this dirty thing to kiss me, infeasible.
   [To YEMELU] Please, unhand me; or else I bite you.
YEMELU [threatening her] Ah, if you dare, I promise; I’ll grain
   your teeth. [ as TODERO essays to hold her, she pulls her mother
   here and there, throwing feeble punches to restrict him but he proves
    too strong to them, grasps her tightly  kisses her mouth to mouth]
RENATE [crying]: Oh, I’m yet stained! [spitting and cleaning her
   mouth with edge f her wrapper] These unsocial pigs are the
   worse animals on earth kissing me without my consent. [ sits on the floor   weeping
                                         Enter BADEJA prostrates and greets
   A voice very familiar rings in my ears. [turns round espies BADEJA]
Oh, I live again, here comes my lord! [ gets up, runs wildly to him,
   hugs him and they fling themselves here and there so much they
   fall down]: Oh, I miss you!
BADEJA[smiling]: It’s like a thousand year! [they snog
BELARU [shocked]: The supporter of this man must‘ve good done
   homework. It’s enigmatic and bewildering – we’re just treading on
   water all day long. [To BELARU] Sir, you see yourself. You’ve
   abused the privilege of trust in insouciance: a portray of your
   unreliability and irrelevance. Relying on you as I’d discovered is
   like clinging to a straw to get rid of drowning.
BELARU: I’ve done nothing to warrant you blather harangue at me like
   an inebriated radiator. What’ve you given that’s so special?
SADALO: I’m afraid, you might turn on me.
BELARU: Aren’t you the object of rift, widening and deepening the
   gorge of grisly animosity resulting thereof; which is almost plunging
   my family into dissolution?
SADALO: Sir, I’m very sorry.
YEMELU [To BADEJA]: I hate seeing you here, can you please get
   out before I can two or else you regret defiance? 
RENATE [protesting]: I give leave. Let whoever has the audacity of a
   lion attempts to chuck him off. [goes to the door, standing akimbo
    and her breasts waggle up and down as she breathes heavily]
YEMELU [runs to her]: Do you talk rubbish because of this fleabag?
RENATE: Don’t speak into my mouth, please. [YEMELU gives a
   hot slap] Ah, mother, you dared slap me?
YEMELU: Yes! Who are you? I can do worse.
RENATE: You’ll regret it! [retaliates much heavier]
YEMELU [baffled and trembled, lowers herself down on the floor]: You
   slapped me, your mother?
RENATE: Yes! I’m glad I did so. Go to hell!
BELARU [mocking YEMELU]: Good! She deserved it. She is
   too interfering.
SADALO [rebuking BELARU]:  Sir, you acted below the par! What
   a mesochinist you’re, blissful over what’s aberrant and eldritch!
   It’s disheartening. You ought to bring Renate to book for
   such disgraceful deportment, and not to deride at her mother. I
   think you’ve muddied your chieftaincy.
BELARU [defending himself]: No, not so, son. She shouldn’t be
   pitied; she’s the heart of Satan.
SADALO: That shouldn’t make you tickled pink to mock her. To call
   a spade a spade, it’s invidious.
BELARU: Do we make our enemy glad to hurt us more?
SADALO: As a chief judging matters, I think you would speak better.
BELARU [finally submitted to SADALO]: Daughter, why did you
   treat your mother like that?
RENATE: To impress Badeja.
BELARU [shocked, his hands folded on his head, shouts]: Ah, you
   erred on the side of love in a ludicrous manner. [felt ashamed,
   RENATE breaks down]
YEMELU [recovering from her self-pity]: You sullen, uncooperative
   child, I curse you; unless you didn’t suck my breast this curse won’t
   live on you. [smites her breasts three times] No child sucks your breasts!
RENATE: Ah, mother, this is too much for me to bear!
YEMELU: It can be revoked if and only if you’ll agree to marry
   Todero. Nothing farther than this can revoke it.
RENATE: God forbid!
YEMELU [To TODERO]: Why are you standing hands folded? I
   wonder how you look away at my plight. Are you drowsy?
TODERO: No!
YEMELU: I think you should’ve used your discretion by doffing up that
   idiot giving my daughter such awful occasion.
TODERO: Madam, I may not do that.
YEMELU: Why with all my suffering for you?
TODERO: I’m a gentleman.
YEMELU: And so what?
TODERO: Gentlemen don’t fight.
YEMELU: I never heard this before. Is it principle, or a philosophy, or
   a theory, or what do you call?
TODERO: It’s animals that fight.
YEMELU: Good. You’ve got to turn to one because I must‘ve my
   own back at him.
TODERO: No, I can’t do that.
YEMELU: Oh, no, I don’t think you really want to marry her! Or perhaps
   your wanting to marry her is a mere sexual stimulation.
TODERO: Pure, unwavering love is the urge.
YEMELU: Then convince me if your claim his true. Just go at him.
TODERO: You don’t scale the weight of my love for her on this
   yardstick – vividly out of social parameters.
YEMELU: Hear me now, if not in physical combat, a display of
   brawn; then I term you’ve recanted voluntarily: and that rest my
   struggle. If really want to marry her, you must be ready to remove all
   barriers to actualising it. [rises on her feet, traipses]
TODERO [almost juddering, his voice trembles]: Madam, it
   becomes rascally for a gentleman to engage irrationally.
YEMELU [furious]: Out here, you coward! Oh, that you possess, at
   least, the bravery of a cockroach! [after a minute of pensive racking, TODERO lunges to fly at BADEJA.
BADEJA: Hold it gentle, good citizen! Don’t loose your belief to
    mere love of a woman or the trenchancy of your inhumane mentor.
YEMELU [To TODERO]: Curse his words at once! He means to talk
   you out of your glorious decision. Go at him, you can. Who say
   you can’t? I say you can. Go!
BADEJA: Resist this evil; it’s deleterious.
TODERO: What is worth fight for worth dying for.
YEMELU [geeing TODERO on]: Good, now, you’re my man!
BADEJDA: Good fellow, be warned. Don’t tempt providence.
YEMELU [To TODERO]: You’ve won – he’s shivering already!
BADELJA: Don’t think that I’m frightened – I’m ready and set. I
   shall damage his life beyond repair.
YEMELU [To TODERO]: Be no timid, your face is pale – I’m afraid!
   I suppose by now you should’ve made him half-dead lying helplessly on
   the floor.  
   TODERO and BADEJA set to fight, like school children, they
   clamp their hands on their shoulders, push themselves here and there,
    and then to the wall. BADEJA looses his hands clamps them at the back
   of TODERO pulls him to himself very tightly, slots his leg behind his
   calf and flings him, an attempt to make him loses his stability but
   he proves too strong to be toppled in that style. Though stagger he
   maintain his stability. Knocking. They disengage themselves.
BELARU: It ended in a tie.
SADALO: Not more than a cockerels’ fight.
                                   Enter BOKUNLE and TODERO
BOKUNLE: Oh, what things so eerie are these guests! I wonder how
   they were invited.
BADERO [pointing at TODERO]: Look at that one over there,
   inhaling and exhaling as if he’s stuffed up.
BOKUNLE: By observation, the feel is suspicious – I think there had
   been a hard struggle.
BADERO: By analysis too, conspicuous by their postures, those
   young men had fought.
BOKUNLE: What sporting moment father and mother had’d.
BADERO: Friend, indeed, we missed out. It must’ve been a
   zingy moment.
BOKUNLE: Meanwhile, my rational audience, such I think you’re:
   I’m delighted to introduce Prince to you, known to be
   keenly responsible, and cool-headed. To encapsulate, he’s
   solely unopposed fiancé of Renate. [BADERO claps for himself]
   I cherish your courage. Like the proverbial lizard, which fell from a
   palm tree, he said that if nobody congratulated he would
   congratulate himself.
SADALO [with the statement sounding spooky, recoils sheepishly in
    the spirit, To BELARU]: Sir, I don’t understand any more.
   I’m completely befogged.
BELARU [To SADALO]: Don’t give in yet. Go, solidly I’m behind
   you and be no scared but lion like: I’ve given her to you. Take her and go home. She’s your for keeps.
SADALO [gets up, darts forward boldly, clearing his throat
   which metamorphoses to coughing; and laughter rents the air
   as BOKUNLE spoofs him]: Your derisive laughter is nothing to be
   sneezed at. Look everyone, you may be Renate’s fiancé I don’t
   dispute that; but I’m announcing to you that I’m her legal husband.
   So don’t bother yourself or you might deceive yourself attempting
   on spree. [To RENATE] My dear! [stretches his hands expecting her to run into them.
BOKUNLE: Serious!
BADERO: You? You must be joking!
BOKUNLE: Exactly! [To SADALO] Will you walk yourself out now?
SADALO: I?
BOKUNLE: Yes! Get lost!
SADALO: You must be insane! [BOKUNLE runs to him, gives him a
   terrible punch on his chin which sets him staggering and he waists no  time. to return it but much lighter
BADERO [To RENATE]: Come over here, where lies hope untorpedoed.
   Be heeded, please.
RENATE: Not for the whole world!
YEMELU[To TODERO]: Man, I detest this philosophy making a
   moron out of you. Go, take your wife and be gone home.
   Blissful, goal-impelled, TODERO rises on his feet, darts forcefully
   to RENATE to grasp  her hand, but he meets a hard inhibition as
   BADEJA shoves some swift paces to bar him.
TODERO: This man, what mean you? Will you clear yourself off –
   or else?
   While they argue, BOKUNLE drags RENATE to BADERO, but
   seeing her with them BADEJA is enraged, rushes violently into
   them, serving each with a deadly punch; and suddenly but somehow,
   it degenerates to free-for-all, with fists flying in the air, each
   defending either their interests or their guests.
BELARU [suddenly falls down, ululating and wincing pitifully]: Oh, my
    ribs!
SADALO: What, sir?
BELARU: Oh, I’m bottled down! I’m dying!  My ribs ache! My scapula in
   ruins!
SADALO: But you should’ve distanced yourself this hot brawl. I rebuke
   your involvement.
BELARU: Son, believe me. It’s the love so monumental, so imponderable,
   and so unutterable I bear you that gees me on to always wanting to die
   for you.
SADALO: Oh, sir, you’ve enlivened me!
BELARU: Though I’m forced to retreat we aren’t defeated, so go, fight
   on; don’t relent because if you fail at this eleven moment you’ll only live
   a scavenger of dirty hope. [SADALO resumes the fight
BADERO [abruptly detached himself]: What! My teeth! Blood
   everywhere! Streaks of blood mark me wrong! Am I not Prince of Betuda? Oh, what a shame! [cries
TODERO: Mother, my pelvis is fractured! [hops here and there like a

wounded hawk] I’m dizzy out of life! I must be gone lest my
   demise implicate you!                                                     [Exit TODERO
SADALO; sir, I think I should leave.
BELARU: Don’t go yet. Cost of defeat can never be estimated but that
   of victory can be offset, even joy it breeds is enough
SADALO: Sir, continue the fight while I go on recess.
BELARU: No we are near victory.
SADALO: Please, I’m dying!                                              [Exit SADALO
   BADERO sits at a corner of the room, head bowed, tear-weakened,
   shame-shrunk, his eyes reddish as BOKUNLE lifts his head.
BADERO: Friend, you see I bleed for a woman. Oh. How for love I die
   for shame!
BOKUNLE [To BELARU]: What a dissident chief you’re. And for that
   geezer you betrayed your allegiance to the kingdom.
BELARU: Did I at any point in time make an allegiance to marry
   my daughter to Prince?
BADERO [To BOKUNLE]: Your father’s treachery baffles, disarms
   me of my passion. I must be gone.                              [Exit BADERO
   RENATE nurses BADEJA at a corner of the room, being the
   major opponent received nearly all the punches
BELARU [To RENATE]: You dunghill child, to avert further
   trouble, steer clear off him. Let me kick him off with a single nice shot.
RENATE [breaks down profusely]: Ah, the only man subsisting in my
   world! Please, let’s be!
BELARU: This church mouse?
RENATE: Do you write him off? He shall soon steal you a parvenu.
BELARU: If he wants to be an arriviste, it shouldn’t be by getting married
   to you because he’ll certainly fail.
YEMELU [with leonine fury]: Leave him now.
RENATE: No, mother! Please, don’t sever me from my pride and
   joy. [YEMELU rushes into her with a bunch of brooms, but BADEJA
   quickly gets up, seizes it from her and flings it away. And she descends
   on as well with slapping and kicking.
RENATE [To BADEJA]: Run away from her she’s a witch! [BADEJA
   frees himself runs to one side.
BADEJA [To RENATE]: Dear I’m weak. I’m must be gone!
RENATE [crying]: Bye! I shall see you later.     [Exit BADEJA
YEMELU: You?
RENATE: Yes!
YEMELU: You shall use one of my goats’ stakes tonight.
RENATE: You’d rather kill me!
BELARU [To RENATE]: You stupid thing, that idiot didn’t go to
   school. What do you see in him?
YEMELU: That’s the grotesque cruelty of her love.
BELARU: Worse still, his father isn’t a chief. How do you choose to
   put me to shame?
YEMELU: In deed, it’s nauseating!
BELARU [turns on YEMELU]: Keep quiet there! That your hatchet-faced
   thing didn’t go school, and he isn’t a son of a chief. Why are
   you interested in him, corrupt woman? Money? Cloth?
YEMELU: Your case is even the worse. That your Sadalo is a
   stranger whose people you don’t know. Aren’t you mad trying to
   marry your daughter to a ghost?
BOKUNLE: It’s clearly seen that Prince is the only qualified person –
   he went to school and he’s solely son of the king, not just a chief.
BELARU [annoyed]: Stop that nonsense there! Am I not the head of
   the family? I’ve reserved authority. Nobody should question
   my decision. A note of warning: I mustn’t see anybody in this
   house except Sadalo whether he’s a ghost or not. I rule out
   visitors henceforth.
YEMELU: That can’t work, here!
BELARU: Call me a fool if I see that your dickhead in this house and
   I don’t throw your things out.                        [Exit BELARU
BOKUNLE: Renate, why are you kicking against fortune and glory?
RENATE: So you’ve started your own again?
BOKUNLE: Their individual prominence has dictated that Prince will
   be the last man on the queue. Why then this blind refusal?
RENATE [infuriated]: Get lost you scumbag!
BOKUNKE: We shall see who gets married to you.         [Exit BOKUNLE                               
YEMELU: Now that everyone has gone but you and I, let’s have
   mother-daughter peaceful talk. We must reach a compromise.
RENATE [smiling]: You and who? Nonsense!      [Exit    RENATE
YEMELU: You haven’t known anything. No one but Todero gets
    married to you.                                        [Exit   YEMELU]