PREGNANT

"Both their lives were over, for good"

by Elaine Lee

Copyright 1999 Elaine Lee All rights reserved

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Part 2

Carrie sobbed as she climbed the stairs, although she knew deep down this was going to happen the feeling that everything was a nightmare would not go away. Entering her room, Carrie walked to her wardrobe and pulled the doors open. As she did so, she heard footsteps and before she could blink Clark suddenly burst into her room and pushed past her. He then began taking all her clothes off the changers and tossing them onto the floor.

Carrie nearly lost her balance "Dad, what are you doing?"

Clark threw a stack of Carrie’s tops onto the bed and glared at her "The sooner you are out of her, the better" he hissed

Carrie could not believe what she was hearing, never in her wildest dreams has she have thought her father would literally throw her out onto the streets.

Reaching for Carrie’s bag from the top of her wardrobe, Clark threw it on her and began shoving her clothes into it

"Dad stop!" she pleaded "Please"

Clark ignored Carrie

Carrie called for her mother "Mum!"

Fiona was still standing in the middle of the lounge, now she was motionless. This is it! It’s happening all over again and I can’t seem to do anything about it. I’m about to lose my baby!

Clark had now emptied most of Carrie’s clothes into the bag and was ready to zip it up. He thought about putting a few pairs of shoes in there, but then decided on either throwing them away or giving them to charity. Carrie watched in horror and despair her father zipped up the bag before he lifted it up and headed for the door. Clark went to the top of the stairs and threw the bag down the stairs. THUMP! Fiona watched from the living room.

"Now you’ve got some things, get out!"

Although Carrie wanted to protest, she knew it would be no use. So she picked up the nearest pair of shoes and her trainers and ran the stairs calling her mother’s help. Clark pushed past her on the stairs to the front door and opened it. Carrie stood at the bottom of her stairs facing her father who just looked blankly at her.

Clutching her shoes to her chest, Carrie sobbed "Dad please. Don’t do this, you and mum are all I’ve got" why is be being so cruel?

"I don’t care. Get out!" Clark shouted

Carrie froze. Everything was going to fast for her. Leave? Get out? I don’t want you here. She looked to her mother for support, but could only hang her head. Mum lied, she said she wouldn’t let dad throw me out. She promised, she said it would be all right. She lied to me! Carrie shook her head in disbelief. Right now I’m going to wake up and I’ll be okay and none of this would have happened. Well?

Suddenly Clark grabbed Carrie’s arm and pushed her out onto the front step, she lost her balance and dropped her shoes as she fell to her knees. Seconds later her bag hit her in the face, her face stung so much her eyes began to water even more.

"Don’t ever come back here!" Clark shouted

Carrie did not move instead tears of fear, anger and humiliation fan down her face. She didn’t notice her mother looking at her from the lounge window, over ridden with guilt. Nothing seemed to make sense to Carrie at the moment. Carrie was homeless within 24 hours; some things just do not make sense. The next thing Carrie heard was the sound of the front door slamming shut. Carrie jumped as if she had sat on a drawing pin, sniffing she screamed for her father

"DADDY!"

 

It was no use; Carrie was on her own.

 

An hour has passed and Carrie was still sitting on the front step of what she once thought was home. She had no where else to go and did not want to go anywhere else either. Carrie had considered going to see Andrew, but knew it would only lead to more heartache. Carrie heaved herself up from the ground, dusted the dirt of her and reluctantly put in her jacket. Looking down Carrie slowly picked up her shoes, unzipped the bag and stuffed them in. sniffing again; she picked up the bag.

Although Carrie had no idea where to go, it was clear to her that she was not to stay where she was.

 

For the next two hours Carrie walked around the local high street not knowing where she going she was still feeling disbelief towards the fact she had no family and was homeless. She was scared. She did not want to spend the next nine months worrying about whether the doorstep she would live on belonged to someone else or if the park keeper were to catch her hiding in the bushes. Carrie walked across the road with out looking where she going, stepped onto the pavement in a daze. Why has everything just gone so sour for me? What did I do to deserve all this? I thought I’d get a little support, but all I’ve got is grief. Are you telling me this is going to be what life is going to be like for me from now on? Carrie blinked and acknowledged the surroundings. She looked at the bright shop signs, passers by and listened to the roaring traffic that burned up and down the roads. Carrie hoped one day she have her life back, one day she would be able to hold her head up and say "Yes. I made it". Although, a future for Carrie was a possibility all her dreams were over forever. Carrie’s eyes filled up with tears as she continued to walk down the busy high street. Everything became a blur as they fell down her cheeks and onto the top of her mouth. Was this her home for the rest of her life? Were the street lamps and sleeping policemen in the roads going to be her only source of light? I don’t have anything to my name she thought; I only possess a bag of clothes and fifty pence in ten’s and a twenty pence piece. How long is that going to last me before I die of starvation? Am I going to have to steal to survive?

The aroma of fresh bread, cakes, sausage rolls sailed up Carrie’s nose as she past a bakery. Her stomach rumbled with hunger, she considered buying a bread roll but decided against it.

Looking ahead Carrie noticed the local park was still open, sniffing back tears she slowly made her way up there. The public park was first established in 1949, a local committee leader opened it for the youth and residents. The park consists of hundreds of acres of grass, trees, flowers and five park benches made from pinewood. The park is used daily by the residents and the occasional visitors from the outskirts of London. During the holidays it is busy with children, families, elderly and teenagers who ride their bikes, roller blades and skateboards along the soft west wet grass. Those on roller blades have a fun time by easily escaping with the park keeper’s hats that they have deliberately taken while skating past them. Carrie walked into the park through the open gate and looked idly around for a bench, she scanned around for a few seconds before she spotted a large pine bench what was situated just before a bed of daffodils. She sneezed before she sat on the bench, putting it down to pollen it did not cause any concern. Despite it the sun was going in, Carrie could still detect the pollen in the air. Sighing Carrie rested her bag beside her and looked to the busy street, she could see an old run down café, and her stomach twisted as she assumed it would be there she would be dining tonight.

 

Andrew felt sick when he opened his eyes that evening, after drinking two cans of lager he fell into a drunken sleep. His stomach ached, his head felt as if it was splitting into two and his vision was blurred. Groaning Andrew rolled out of bed before he hit the floor, not caring if he disturbed his parents down stairs. His chest hit the ground with a thud but he was too weak to cry out in pain even if it hurt him a great deal. Lifting his head, Andrew came face to face with Carrie’s photograph. He winced before coughing then pulled his self up. Get a grip Andrew man he told himself. Leaning over to this television he switched it on, the evening news has just finished. Thank fuck for that, I hate the news he said to himself. Suddenly Andrew’s mind wondered to Carrie, it was hard for him to admit but he still loved her and missed her a lot. Managing a smile he remembers the first time he met Carrie, he watched her from the bus window as she walked along the high street. From then Andrew has always loved to watch her, the way she walked, talked and looked. Carrie’s looks sends Andrew into a wild frenzy. Closing his eyes, Andrew pictured her clear emerald green eyes, ebony hair and slim and slender body. Carrie’s eyes were looking back at him, shaking the image away Andrew opened his eyes and pulled himself off the floor. Standing up he felt very sick and quickly made an exit for the bathroom.

 

Carrie sat on the park bench until 9.30 that evening, eyes red and puffy from crying, skin as white as snow she lay down on her bag bringing her legs up. Having closed hours ago, Carrie was surprised he managed to avoid the park keeper. She put it down to the dark clothes her wore and the many bushes that were situated around her. But she was witnessed by many, despite being asked of her concern. Using her bag as a pillow Carrie stared out to the quiet street, looking at the shops, passers by and briefly noticing the street lamps switching on one by one. Feeling sick, her stomach rumbled Carrie sniffed with discomfort as she could feel the bench arm through her bag. Lifting her head, she put her hand under her head to rest on, but Carrie was still uncomfortable. I can’t believe how much of a mess I am in. no home, no money, no family. What am I going to do? So I forget to ask Andrew about protection, I thought he was going to protect me. He said he’d always be there and he isn’t. If only we’d stop for second, if only I didn’t tell mum and dad. What good what that have done Carrie? Something would have twigged with your lump? Maybe I should have blackmailed Andrew, yeah with what? I dunno, I should have done something rather than let him and everything else go. "What am I gonna do?" she whispered into the cold air. "If only"

Two of the ugliest words on the English dictionary, two words which would have made everything for Carrie make sense. The evening air began to turn bitterly cold; an icy breeze cut across Carrie’s face and blew her hair. Bringing her legs closer to her body, Carrie reached down and buttoned up her jacket. Cold, tired and frightened tears ran down her face, Carrie almost felt them freeze when they reached her chin. Settling on the bench again, Carrie closed her eyes. Too tired to contemplate any more she tried to sleep. Her stomach rumbled again. Carrie knew this was her life on her streets and it was only the tip of a long and frozen iceberg.

 

 

Carrie looked around to see the park has just opened gates each side and already people coming in to enjoy the swings and roundabouts. Stretching Carrie neck and had hurt from her sleep, her bones clicked as she yawned. The temperature has risen against the cloudy blue sky, but still there was a little grey in the clouds. The air smelled of wet grass, daffodils, petrol and food. The local café has been open since six and the aroma of eggs and bacon lingered. Carrie wrinkled her nose, her stomach rumbled; she had to eat. Rubbing her eyes Carrie was not sure if she spend another night on the park bench, despite sleeping well he ears, head, neck and arms began to ache. Her clothes were dirty and also she smelled of pinewood with rain. Carrie slowly stood up and picked up her bag. Sighing she looked at the park, she left for breakfast.

 

The café is small, old but seemed clean and tidy. The food looked to be edible and employees seemed to wash daily. Carrie pushed open the door; dust came away on her hands as she noticed the building did need a coat of paint. She bought a cup of tea with no sugar. The girl who served her noticed the grubby state of Carrie’s clothes. She gave a concerned look to which Carrie returned with a smile, before taking the hot and steaming mug of tea from the girl’s hand and found a seat by the window and placed her bag down beside her. As Carrie sat down with her mug of tea she began to think about what to do next. She did not want to spend another night in the park, but then thought that she may not have much choice. Beggars can’t be choosers Carrie she thought. Carrie considered going to see her doctor for help, but she was afraid her child might be taken away from her taking into content her age. Carrie sipped her tea slowly; it burned the top of her mouth slightly so she put it down to cool.

Looking out the window Carrie watched the bust street. The traffic, the people and listened to the noise of the engines voices which defined the busy street. Suddenly someone entered the café; Carrie turned her attention to the stranger and found herself watching him. He ordered a cooked breakfast with a cup of coffee to eat inside. Carrie sighed before looking out the window again. There was nothing, which caught her interest. The traffic was heavy the sky was turning grey and it seemed everyone was out taking part in a busy morning. I wonder what Andrew is doing? I bet he’s not homeless, penniless, alone and frightened because he doesn’t know if he’ll live until next week. I bet his father hasn’t thrown him out for one mistake, mother lied and loved one turned their back on them due to their own selfishness. Life’s pretty good for you, isn’t it Andrew? Sniffing Carrie could feel her eyes filling with tears; she didn’t want anyone to see her cry so she wiped her eyes vigorously hoping no one saw her. God is this what life’s gonna be like for me? Waking up in a different place, not knowing what to do all because I made one mistake. How am I going to survive? I’m only 16, I don’t know the first thing about living alone or having a baby. Where is my baby going to be born? A back alley? A dirt road? A bus stop. Hey maybe even a brothel? I can’t take this! Carrie’s hands began to shake.

Letting her finger circle the mug of tea, it was like a therapeutic process, shaking her head Carrie sniffed back her tears. God, what am I gonna do? Somebody help me.

The stranger was about to sit down and read his newspaper, when he looked up and saw Carrie. He stopped in his tracks and stared at her. Who’s she? She’s nice. What great eyes and her face are just beautiful. Folding his newspaper in half he put it under is arm he felt the urge to just go over and make conversation, before he knew it was. What the hell am I doing? He asked himself, I don’t even know the girl!

"Excuse me, can I ask you something?"

Carrie looked up at him "What?" she replied, wanting to be more polite but Carrie felt so reason to be happy.

What great colour eyes? So bright.

The stranger’s name whose Danny stepped back slightly. Maybe asking her if the seat is free isn’t such a good idea; it’s obvious she’s not interested in guys (if you know what I mean). Danny looked into Carrie’s eyes and she looked back. Oh what the hell, she’s much too much of a goddess to pass. "Is this seat free?" Go on my son! He asked pointing to the seat in front of him.

Carrie shrugged "Yeah, be my guest" she sniffed hoping Danny could not see she had been crying. Why does he wanna sit near me?

Gee wiz, this girl is hard work. Danny pulled out the chair and sat down. He smiled at Carrie nervously. There is something about this girl; I just can’t put my finger on it. Carrie could not help looking at Danny, he seemed to resemble Andrew in small ways and she found herself beginning to like him.

"So" Danny began "What’s your name?" he asked putting the newspaper down beside him

Carrie rested her chin on her left hand and gave him a look. Is he trying to chat me up? Cos if he is I’m really not in the mood. I’m gonna answer him anyway. "Carrie" she replied "Carrie Shannon"

Danny nodded with approval "Nice name" matches her face

"Thank you" Carrie said with out smiling. She still kept her eyes on Danny, moving them every time he moved.

Okay, she’s a lesbian. I can handle that. No she isn’t. No way looking like that "So, what’s a nice girl like you eating in a dingy café like this?"

Carrie decided to play hard to get, it was going to be her only bit of fun for a long time. Rolling her eyes she replied "Drinking tea, what else" with that she took the mug and drank a little of the tea

Danny exhaled lightly. Damn, talk about ice maiden. I’m not getting anywhere with this one; she’s frozen solid. Reluctantly he took the newspaper, unfolded it and glanced at the front page. I give up, I’m just gonna eat my breakfast and go.

Carrie softened her look; her intention wasn’t to be so rude. Oh come on Carrie. He was only trying to be friendly; the least you could so is be civilised. Crossing her arms Carrie spoke "So, what’s your name then?"

Danny looked up at her in surprise. Result! "Danny and I’m just here for the food" he replied hoping Carrie would smile or even laugh.

Carrie nodded "Cute" she said with out any emotion.

Oh this is not right; she should be cracking up by now. Carrie meant what she said, she found Danny very cute. She liked the way his light brown hair parted in the centre and his dark brown eyes were bright. Carrie studied his nose, almost perfect as well as his lips. Dressed in black jumper, dark blue jeans, trainers and flyer jacket, Carrie swore to herself that should she have not met Andrew. She would have jumped at the chance of going out with Danny. Carrie hoped Danny would not ask too many questions for she was feeling embarrassed enough and did not want Danny assuming her sudden politeness was used in hope of gaining a roof over her head.

"Do you live around here then Carrie?" Danny asked. Please say yes. Please say yes.

Great, I should have seen that coming. Carrie took a deep breath as her stomach tightened. She felt there was no point hiding the truth it was not as though the police had a warrant out for her arrest "No" she replied as she picked up the mug she was surprised to find the mug was still warm.

Danny looked surprised "Oh. Where?" He paused. It can’t be too far from me "Lemmie guess-"

"There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me Danny" Carrie interjected

Danny’s inhaled slowly. If she’s a female axe murderer on a revengeful quest after us blokes, I will scream. "Such as?"

Carrie placed both hands on the table, she felt as if she was about to reveal her inner most secret. Looking at Danny, she explained. Danny said was silent, it was not every day he met a girl who is homeless and a mother to be. Even though Danny didn’t know anything about Carrie, he knew enough himself that we wanted to know more. When Carrie had explained everything, Danny was nonplussed.

Carrie sighed as her heart sank. I knew it. I bet he can’t wait to get away from me, just like everyone else. "Look. I’ll understand if you wanna go and sit somewhere else. I don’t want you think I’m on the look out for a father for my child" although Carrie was firm she was not sure she’d be would be able to handle another rejection.

Danny shook his head "No. I’ll stay and anyway I like you" he smiled and it was the truth

For the first time in two days Carrie smiled. "Thank you" and she meant it

Sighing to himself Danny sat back slightly. Yes, I got her to smile.

"Tea and breakfast" the girl behind the counter called out, holding it out she looked at Danny for him to collect it.

Danny spun around in chair "That’s me" he said holding his hand midway in the air. He then went up to collect his breakfast before returning to his seat.

Carrie looked at the plate of sausage, egg, beans and bacon and felt queasy. She did intend n ordering something to eat but her appetite was deteriorating fast.

"What you going to do now?" Danny asked as he picked up his fork. He knew it was a stupid question, but he felt it was the right one to start with.

Carrie shrugged "Don’t know Danny. I suppose I’ll have to find somewhere for tonight" she said with dread. Carrie was not looking forward to spending another night rough on the streets again.

Danny looked at Carrie in horror "And what? Find a Sainsburys’ cardboard box and the front page of the independent newspaper to keep you warm?"

Carrie was taken back with Danny’s scorn. It was not for Carrie. It was for Andrew. Danny was disgusted with the how much Andrew and her father had been so unreasonable. Those worthless bastards! How could they let Carrie just go out onto the streets and die?

"It doesn’t matter Danny. I won’t be on the streets for long anyway" Carrie lied. She knew she would be on the streets for the rest of her life for she did not see any guardian angles walking around or any genies with lamps offering her three wishes. Carrie had to face the fact her baby was to be bought up on the streets and most likely die on the streets.

Danny tapped the table lightly with his fingers. "Do you know Andrew better pray hard that he doesn’t bump into me on dark night, ‘cos I can tell you there’d be a huge fight" he warned "I swear I’d have some serious words for that bastard" and that’s not the only thing I’d have for him.

Although Carrie knew Danny had goon intentions and was flattered for his concern, but she did not like the idea of Danny fighting with Andrew, as she knows that Danny would lose. Andrew is a few inches taller than Danny is and is also a sports fanatic, swearing on no fatty or sugary foods Andrew is a health freak and is extremely fit. Carrie said nothing.

"I don’t mean to be nasty and I can see he meant a lot to you but. Why aren’t you angry?" Danny asked as he took a small bit out if his over cooked sausage "If that was me, I’d be ready to blow him up and scatter his remains in the local river"

Carrie rubbed her stomach as she felt it tighten. "I’m too tired to be angry Danny. All that’s left me to do now is to survive"

Danny felt a lump in this throat, he could not bear to see Carrie lying in the streets or being forced to commute up to places like kings cross to make enough money for food. Fighting for her life, being at risk to every disease there is and scared stiff that one day she might find her child lying in a pool of blood. Danny thought hard. He did not want to read about Carrie in the newspaper under the headline "TEENAGE MUM, DIES FROM OVERDOSE AND STREET LIVING" I can’t let her just die, I have to do something to help her. I don’t know why, but I just have to help Carrie. I want to.

"Carrie, I know this may sound a little odd, but I might be able to help you" Danny said

Carrie shook her head, despite her desperation for help she did not want to be any body’s charity case. She was not sure whether she could accept help from a total stranger. "No Danny. I don’t want your help, I’ll survive"

"I want to Carrie" Danny insisted

Carrie shook her head again "No really Danny, I’ll be fine" she lied. Carrie has never wanted anyone’s help so much, but she could not bring herself to accept.

Danny dropped the knife on the plate in irritation. What is the matter with this girl? "Don’t make me lose my temper with you Carrie" he warned

Carrie smiled a little "Really. I’m nobody’s charity case"

Yes you are, you’re mine "You ain’t a charity case Carrie" Danny said picking up the knife and resting it on the edge of the plate "I want to help you. Now hear me out"

Carrie was dumbfounded, then curious. "Why are you doing this? You hardly know me?"

"I know, but after hearing what’s been going on with you, I just can’t let you live on the streets"

Carrie crossed her arms and gave Danny a hard look "So you feel sorry for me" she said bitterly

"No, I don’t" Danny protested "I really wanna help you Carrie"

Turning to the window Carrie looked out, she should have known Danny was just being nice for the sake if it. She knew he had no intention of offering her any kind of help is she wasn’t pregnant or homeless. I bet that if I told him a different story he wouldn’t be so nice. "Yeah sure" looking at Danny again "I told you before Danny. I’m no charity case and I don’t need your sympathy"

Danny sighed with distress. The last thing he wanted to do was upset Carrie. "I know"

Carrie glared at Danny; to her he was beginning to sound patronising. "Do you Danny? I don’t think you do" she snapped "You won’t have to wake up every morning on the streets, shit scared for yourself and your child. Starving hungry, penniless and desperate for any way to survive. You have your warm place Danny, I don’t" Carrie looked away again, she could feel her eyes filling with tears. This time she wanted to cry.

Danny understood why Carrie felt the way she did, but he was determined to make her see what he was willing to help her out of the kindness of his heart and not because he felt obliged to. "Listen Carrie, despite what you think. I want to help you and I will help you. You being homeless or pregnant has nothing to do with my wanting to help. I want to. How many times do I have to keep telling you?"

Carrie was silent

Oh great, the female silent treatment "Are you listening to me?"

"I heard what you said" Carrie replied stiffly

"Well look at me then"

Carrie looked at Danny. Her eyes and face full of tears skin pale and blotchy. His heart sank. "I heard what you said Danny"

"Good, then you’re going to listen to me. I’m offering you help, the least you can do is have the decency to listen" Danny said firmly

Although Carrie felt guilty she was still upset with Danny "Fine" she said quietly. Have I any choice? Carrie gave up looking at Danny questionably she asked, "Okay, how?"

Yes, at last she’s gonna listen to me Danny thought as he picked up a rasher of crispy bacon with his hand and bit into it. "Well" he chewed "I know a place where u can crash for while and be free of charge"

Carrie sat back in shock; her mouth parted a little. You what? Are you telling me I have an ounce of luck left inside of me? "Free of charge, where?"

Danny swallowed hard, nearly choking on the bacon. "My place Carrie" he paused for a reaction then added "Separate bedrooms of course" I don’t want Carrie thinking I’m a pimp

"Your place" Carrie said slowly. Is Danny for real?

"Yes me place. I need a flatmate the flat is too big for just one person" Danny took his sausage and ate it whole, he was hungry. "So, what do you say Carrie?" he asked with his mouth full

Someone is offering me a place to stay, free of charge. It was only yesterday I didn’t have anywhere. Is this really the breakthrough I need? Free of charge? I well get a job and be able to support my baby, we’ll have roof over our head. I can be a real mum and Danny is allowing me to do all that. I’ll be able to prove Andrew and dad that I can do it. No park benches, wet grass or cardboard city. For once I have a choice and I’m thinking about it

"What’s the catch?"

Danny shook his head "No catch Carrie"

"No catch" Carrie repeated "Yeah okay. What do you want from me in return?"

Danny felt hurt. What does she take me for? "Nothing. I was gonna put an ad in the paper, but meeting you has saved me the trouble"

Carrie nodded, she still had a few more questions before accepting Danny’s offer "So, how did you own your own place?"

Danny sipped his tea "Well my parents decided to move abroad when I was 16, I didn’t wanna go. So, they got me flat and I pay them rent"

Carrie raised an eyebrow. Hey this man is rich! "Nice one"

Danny made a face "I suppose, I don’t mind giving them £150 a month for rent"

Carrie crossed her arms "That’s a good rate Danny. My parents wouldn’t dream of doing anything like that, especially my dad"

Danny shrugged "I’spose it’s nice of them, since they hardly did anything for me when they were over here"

Carrie dismissed Danny’s comment she was beginning to get a little excited at the prospect of a new place "Do you work then?" she asked pushing the mug of tea aside

"I work" he replied before taking a bit out of a piece of toast. "In Sainsburys’ near where I live"

Carrie was impressed, looking at Danny she guessed he was around the age of 22. "I take it you’re 22"

Danny felt surprise with Carrie’s accuracy "Yeah, last may. How did you know?"

"Call it female intuition"

"Anything else?"

"No"

"Well?"

"I accept"

Yes! Result. "Good"

Carrie held up her forefinger "Only on one condition"

Danny frowned "What’s that?"

Carrie pointed at the remaining sausage, fried egg, a slice of toast and the rasher of bacon from Danny’s breakfast. "You share of that with me"

"Okay" Danny agreed pushing the plate in between them "But leave the egg, it’s mine" he warned sticking the fork in it.

Carrie smiled a warm smile "Fair enough"

 

 

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