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In Them
By Marianna Kalmykova
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The world is reducing. You only need to switch on your computer and here you are! Sitting in a convenient chair, drinking beer and smoking the cigarette you are traveling round the world.
People lived without it for ages. People can’t live without it now. Even tired in our evenings we can’t stop ourselves to check the mail. Even working in the same room, we use ICQ to talk to colleague. We are looking for information, we are looking for job, we are looking for goods, we are looking for friends, we are looking for love… Internet…A dreamland…A world where everything is possible…Just click…
The life is a scene, but sometimes it’s hard to play a character you want in a real life. Cheer up! You may choose any life you like. You may choose your name, your character, your sex, your face…It depends on your fantasy. You may live million of lifes.You may hide your reality, if it is horrible. You may live a bright life, if you have a boring one. It is like a drug, like an alcohol…Just push the button and your problems will leave you. For a shot time. But you can’t run away from reality. It will cover you again anyway. It has a pretty face, but disgusting inside. People hate it. They are looking for exit. They are trying to build new world. But they are weak. To build something new they have to destroy the old one.
I’m in Internet for 2 years. I talked to many people from many countries here. I’ve met some in reality. I’m trying to study this world using Internet. I’m also hate the real life. I’m still alive cause I’m afraid of death like everybody. I’m trying to find the best way to survive, using the experience and knowledge of other’s. I’m eternal pupil. We are all pupils, even want we to be or not. But we don’t know the subject of lesson. We are studying nothing. We are multicolored clowns giving the eternal performance. We are great creators of the endless crowd of screaming descendants. We are newborns, pretending to be experts. We are a hungry pack grabbing the pathetic pieces which destiny throws to us. We are fighting for these pieces. Someday we will kill each other.
I like people cause they are naïve and funny. I hate people cause they are too primitive to be a great civilization. Having sex, sleeping, eating, drinking, crying, laughing, suffering, loving, believing, hating- pathetic and madness crowd tries to play a life. I know I’m a part of this crowd. I asked nobody to let me be. I’m walking along the corridors, turning left and right, trying to find the door. I know I’ll never find it. I’m trying to put more lights in this corridors, to decorate them with silence, nice sites and clocks. A lot of clocks. I like to stop and make them run again. I’m talking to myself. I’m asking my soul to be patient, cause it has the end. I hate those corridors, but I’m feeling better there then outside. Nobody ever had been in my corridors. I let them in, but they are afraid. They are playing safe, they are taking care of their souls. May be it’s better for me. I’m living all my life there. I’ve tried to leave it once when I was married. But I was nearly trampled on by the crowd of emotions, deeds and claims. I escaped successfully. I’m lucky.
I like to read a lot. I’m happy to know I’m not alone in my thoughts. I’m unhappy to know I have to live THIS life. And I know the knowledge makes me suffer. I would like to live in ignorance. May be I’m the criminal, who have to be in prison all the life? Nobody knows the answer, nobody can help me to escape. I’m still walking along my corridors, turning on and off my lights, ruling my clocks, listening to the music of voices outside, dissolving in a waves of strangers thoughts, watching the sites of this world on my walls, breathing the air full of hatred and suffer. I’m still alone. I’m still alive…
