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A Little Inadvertent Punishment

By Anna Antony


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The gambling was intense. The wheeling and dealing was completely caked up in my mind. My friend had told me he would be there. And I was sitting there like a foreigner, fidgeting loudly, searching for a golden head. I must have looked like a gypsy fortuneteller in my solvent outfit. It was scarlet with rhinestone straps and loose sleeves. A scarlet gypsy waiting for a golden head.

I had downed my tenth bottle of booze that had begun to boil in my stomach like a brewing cider. Spells of forbidden thoughts began to sing out from the pit of my stomach, making its way to my mouth. It was completely surreal and lewdly exciting. It was like fallen papers from the confines of the book that was flying and soaring around like rabid dogs. Stolid reasoning turned into fragments of sighs and evaporated into the casino ceiling…..

I think sometime during the night, I was thrown out of the place. A scarlet gypsy with a blue-green wine glass, clutched in the fingers. I think the rhinestones on my dress were making aloof scratches on the gray plane of the cement. It made patterns in my eyes. Glistening jewels made a bloody glistening prince’s face. And me, a dilated pupil looking up at the crazed streetlights, making faces at the face invented from the connotations of glistening rhinestones. I loved him to death, literally*laughs*

Laboring eyes grew heavy like dimming headlights of an aged cab. Reluctantly, I closed my eyes to see myself. The days of my life’s epitome blinked before me like a silver winged insect with fudgy blue blood. The time when my lust for life and love was thick with ambition and excitement. The pink ballet shoes of my recitals and contemporary performances, brownish-pink from sweat and passion. He had come after me then like an avenging gentle angel, kissing me with tainted lust and wooing me to death. No, death is mine and only mine and I have only me, to point for all of this.

The dearth of love was there. But my undying love and his flared lust for me sort of bloomed into this refreshing, calming "love affair’. But there were beautiful moments too. The times when we were together, we moved like the wings of a bird; uniform and true; candid and loyal.

My diminutive hearing in my left ears was suddenly honed to perfection. The music of my pastel- fairy-like relationship, embroiled inside my mirthless heart. The stirring of fresh coffee’s for all night study dates. Whimsical kisses of a solid human being. The ecstasy of new-found love. The smell of intoxicating cologne, and beautiful royal bedrooms, flimsy forgiving of the first mistakes of his doing …. It was perfection embellished with blindness and copious justifications.

I opened my eyes for the last time. It seemed like I was looking through a mannequin’s eyes. My eyelashes were grossly laden with mascara and shadow. My eyes fringed with thriving eyelashes. Swollen eyelids of a drunken fool. My slits of eyes looked toward the blue-black velvet. It looked like the dress I wore …. I don’t know;sometime during my childhood. It was blue velvet with decadent with sparkling silver dust. The sky looked just like the dress- soft, benignant and beautiful.

God, have mercy on me……