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A Little Inadvertent Punishment
By Anna Antony
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The gambling was intense. The wheeling and dealing was completely caked up in
my mind. My friend had told me he would be there. And I was sitting there like a
foreigner, fidgeting loudly, searching for a golden head. I must have looked
like a gypsy fortuneteller in my solvent outfit. It was scarlet with rhinestone
straps and loose sleeves. A scarlet gypsy waiting for a golden head.
I had downed my tenth bottle of booze that had begun to boil in my stomach like
a brewing cider. Spells of forbidden thoughts began to sing out from the pit of
my stomach, making its way to my mouth. It was completely surreal and lewdly
exciting. It was like fallen papers from the confines of the book that was
flying and soaring around like rabid dogs. Stolid reasoning turned into
fragments of sighs and evaporated into the casino ceiling…..
I think sometime during the night, I was thrown out of the place. A scarlet
gypsy with a blue-green wine glass, clutched in the fingers. I think the
rhinestones on my dress were making aloof scratches on the gray plane of the
cement. It made patterns in my eyes. Glistening jewels made a bloody glistening
prince’s face. And me, a dilated pupil looking up at the crazed streetlights,
making faces at the face invented from the connotations of glistening
rhinestones. I loved him to death, literally*laughs*
Laboring eyes grew heavy like dimming headlights of an aged cab. Reluctantly, I
closed my eyes to see myself. The days of my life’s epitome blinked before me
like a silver winged insect with fudgy blue blood. The time when my lust for
life and love was thick with ambition and excitement. The pink ballet shoes of
my recitals and contemporary performances, brownish-pink from sweat and passion.
He had come after me then like an avenging gentle angel, kissing me with tainted
lust and wooing me to death. No, death is mine and only mine and I have only me,
to point for all of this.
The dearth of love was there. But my undying love and his flared lust for me
sort of bloomed into this refreshing, calming "love affair’. But there were
beautiful moments too. The times when we were together, we moved like the wings
of a bird; uniform and true; candid and loyal.
My diminutive hearing in my left ears was suddenly honed to perfection. The
music of my pastel- fairy-like relationship, embroiled inside my mirthless
heart. The stirring of fresh coffee’s for all night study dates. Whimsical
kisses of a solid human being. The ecstasy of new-found love. The smell of
intoxicating cologne, and beautiful royal bedrooms, flimsy forgiving of the
first mistakes of his doing …. It was perfection embellished with blindness and
copious justifications.
I opened my eyes for the last time. It seemed like I was looking through a
mannequin’s eyes. My eyelashes were grossly laden with mascara and shadow. My
eyes fringed with thriving eyelashes. Swollen eyelids of a drunken fool. My
slits of eyes looked toward the blue-black velvet. It looked like the dress I
wore …. I don’t know;sometime during my childhood. It was blue velvet with
decadent with sparkling silver dust. The sky looked just like the dress- soft,
benignant and beautiful.
God, have mercy on me……
