I Can Feel Your Heartbeat
By Kat Smith
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I can feel your heartbeat. In my sleep, it thrums through my veins like the beat of a drum. It is with me constantly, asleep or awake. I know when you are tired, or fearful, calm and relaxed, or happy as a clam. Your heartbeat responds to my every action and emotion. We are as one, you and I, and that is as it should be.
I take it everywhere I go, work, and play, relaxing by the river reading a book. It is a constant reminder that you are with me, and I never have to feel alone again. You are mine; God has given you to me to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, from this day forward. You are God’s promise to me that I will not live my life in vain; He trusts me enough to care for a new life and to raise you in His image and likeness.
This is my promise to you too; I will raise you to be the best you can be, as much like God as a human possibly can be. I will teach you everything I know, and then you will go out and learn more than I ever knew on your own. You will surpass me in your knowledge of all things good and bad, and that is right and good. It is as it should be. You are the future, and I will be the past someday.
I can feel your heartbeat as I make this promise. It is fluttering like the wings of a butterfly against my temples. I feel it in the palms of my hands, as they lay pressed against my abdomen. I feel your heartbeat in every fiber of my being.
I can feel your heartbeat tapping against my own heart, reminding me constantly that you are there. What a wonderful feeling that is! It is a feeling that only a mother can know. It leaves me in awe to feel your heart beating against mine. Someday you too, will feel the gentle tap, tap, tap, of your own child as you sit in contemplation of her, and the wonder of birth.
I know we have some uneasy times ahead of us; life is not always that proverbial bowl of cherries. You will start to grow distant from me. As you grow older you will need to be among people of your own age, to learn from them, to share the experiences of life with them. This too, is as it should be. I only hope I can remember this and let you go without a fight.
Although you are mine, you are also a child of God, and he has only sent you to me for a short time, and I have to learn to let you go and become whatever it is you are destined to be. So please, when the time comes, remember my heartbeat, and be gentle with me. I love you so much already, and that love is sure to grow more with the passage of time.
I can feel your heartbeat little one, it’s beating like a snare drum, fast and loud. Did I scare you with thoughts of growing up and letting go? I didn’t mean to, we have plenty of time for that later. We have years of discovery together ahead of us, letting go can wait for a while. It will happen on its own, and we won’t even notice.
Until then, I just want to sit here in this peaceful little spot and feel your little heartbeat coursing through my veins. I want to tell you about all the things you are going to see and learn, all the things you can do and be. I want to tell you my little one, that you are my hearts desire.