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St. Nick's Outlaws
By Jim Colombo
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Copyright 2001 Jim Colombo
Chapter 52
Brother Justin was concerned about the drug culture that was emerging in the
schools and coffeehouses in the city. It was hip to talk about Panama Red, or Acapulco
Gold, and take a hit in a coffeehouse, at a friends party, or while cruising the city in the
privacy of one's car. Brother Justin hadn't forgotten the distinct smell when he visited his
friends in Boulder Creek in the Santa Cruz Mountains, and now he smelled that fragrance
in the bathrooms at St. Nick’s. There was an underground culture emerging. Drugs had
invaded his school and he was going to defend his school and the students. He would go
to the main library to find more information about Marijuana.
The main library is by the civic center of San Francisco. On one side are City
Hall, the War Memorial Opera House, and the Performing Arts. The Tenderloin district
with flophouses and bars lines the other side. The main library is one block from a
black tie to the black hole of the city. Brother Justin went to the second floor of the main
library to the research section, and began looking for information about marijuana. He had
found two books and a comfortable chair, and began to read. After a while he felt a stare
from the right side.
“Well hello. Do you remember me?”
“Why yes, ….Rusty?”
“Good memory, Frank.
Brother Justin was wearing jeans, a sweater, and tennis shoes. He had met Rusty
in November last year, about he same time he discovered Bill. Brother Justin knew he
wasn’t a typical novice at Mount La Salle, but couldn’t accept that God would call a
homosexual man to join a religious order. Men of God are celibate and don't have those
feelings. But Brother Justin did have those feelings when he saw young tone men in tight
clothes. The demons of lust were temping him more often. Brother Justin was made of
flesh, not stone. He was losing the battle.
“Wow, Frank. Marijuana. Are you a toker?”
“Excuse me?”
“You know man, take a hit, bow weed.”
Frank felt very uncomfortable and ignorant. “The reason I have this book is
because I don’t know what you're talking about and I should.
“Why, man?”
“I’m a high school teacher.”
“What subject do you teach, Frank?”
I’m an English teacher……composition, grammar….freshman stuff.”
“I dig.”
“I’m sorry?" said a perplexed Frank.
“Like I understand, man. “Wow, where have you been in a cave?
“I guess so, Rusty.”
Brother Justin realized who much he was out of touch. He could read about the
surface of the drug culture, but not know it as well as those who made the scene. They
were what was happening. This culture, the drug scene, was attacking the students of
St. Nick’s. How could he defend them from an enemy he knew little about?
Rusty was impressed with Frank’s physique, and saw Frank as a stud who
appeared to be a powerful lover. Frank was forgetting about Brother Justin, and had
noticed Rusty’s glances had become stares. Frank enjoyed being admired by a man who
had touched that spot once again on the dark side of Frank that Brother Justin fought to
suppress. Rusty could offer more knowledge than any book, the knowledge that could set
Frank free of Brother Justin. Frank was accepting rather than fighting the demons and
Brother Justin was slipping away. Rusty was like the Seiren’s tempting refrain in Ulysses
that filled Frank’s mind and senses. Bill had called Frank a coward when they were
roommates at Mount La Salle the time Bill had challenged Frank to find out if he was
queer. Then Frank could live his live accordingly, not a lie as Brother Justin.
Frank was putting Brother Justin at risk. His world, his way of live, and all that he
believed would vanish if he succumbed to Frank. But if Brother Justin surrendered to
Frank he gained a new live with love and exciting experiences with men like Rusty.
“Hey, Man, you drifted off again. You did that last time. Are you spaced out, or
do I bore you?”
“I’m sorry Rusty, can I buy you a cup of coffee?”
“Maybe some other time, man.”
“Frank sensed that Rusty was upset. “Have you ever had lunch at Blume’s in
Maiden Lane? They have tremendous Chocolate Fudge Sundaes.”
“Alright, Frank you got me. I’m a chocolate junky.”
Frank was not sure if that was good or bad, but was happy that Rusty accepted.
Frank sensed a void in his life. Religion may have filled Brother Justin's life, but Frank
was captivated by the world that lay out side of St. Nick’s Rectory.
“Great. How about next Saturday at noon? “
“Frank. I don’t get off until six.”
“Okay, then dinner at Blume’s.”
“Far out, Frank.”
Frank took Rusty’s expression as a positive. “Yeah, far out Rusty.”
Rusty’s supervisor began walking towards him with a familiar look of disdain.
“Later, Frank. Major dick head is coming this way.”
Frank was confused again. Rusty began walking a way from his supervisor and
stopped when the man called him. The supervisor approached Rusty, and lectured and
gestured to Rusty, while Rusty looked the other way. Frank could tell by the supervisors
body language that Rusty was getting reprimanded. The supervisor walked a way after
reaffirming that he was still the boss. Rusty went to the men’s room. Frank wanted to
apologize to Rusty for getting him in trouble and entered the men’s room. Rusty had
urinated, then turned, and displayed his erection to Frank, startling him. Rusty began to
unbutton his shirt. Frank was captivated. He stood and watched with lust.
“Hey, Frank, you did it again. You spaced out on me.”
“Sorry….. Sorry, I have been taking a medication for allergies, and it spaces me
out.”
Frank had fantasized a vision of an erect Rusty. Rusty walked from the urinal
and began to wash his hands. Frank splashed cold water on his face.
“See ya Saturday at six at Blume’s for dinner,” said Rusty.
“Sure. Blume’s at six.”
“Later, man.”
“Yeah, later.”
Frank left the library and took the bus to Ellis street and walked the two blocks to St.
Nick’s Rectory. He stood at the door and felt the demons churning inside of him. Brother
Justin entered the Rectory and felt different leaving Frank at the doorway. Frank was no
longer welcomed in Brother Justin's body. Brother Justin had crossed to the other side and
couldn't come back as he once was. Frank had abdicated the vow taken at La Salle, and
was free of the religious baggage carried by Brother Justin, who now felt the void left by
Frank’s departure. He felt a loss of control. He felt vulnerable.
