The Long Road Home

By Jamie Nicole White

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Chapter Three
 

            Hayden woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and at ease. She had decided somewhere in the middle of her restless night of tossing and turning that she was no longer going to over-analyze her engagement to Brian. It would do no good to think things over to the point of exhaustion. Only time would tell if the decision she had made was the right one. Perhaps it wouldn’t kill her just to be engaged for a little while. It wasn’t as if they were going to get married tomorrow or even next month. Brian wasn’t one to be spontaneous. It would at least take six months before they would decide on a date.

            Hayden darted into the kitchen and was about to make herself some breakfast when she spied Miranda sleeping on the sofa. She had almost forgotten that her friend had decided to make her living room a temporary home. Figuring that she would be quiet and let Miranda sleep, Hayden passed on breakfast and decided to take a morning jog. She let herself out into the hallway, quietly shutting the door behind her and went straight to the lobby.

            Brogan, the lobby attendant, winked at her and said a quick hello as she slipped by him. “Miss Laurence,” he said all too quickly.

            Hayden stopped dead in her tracks and groaned as she gave him a quick glance. She lifted one brow and gave him a look that said hurry up.

            “Mr. Stratford called and said that he would be by in an hour or so. He said that he tried to phone your apartment and couldn’t get through.”

            Hayden shrugged. “I had the phones turned off.”

            “Very well, Miss Laurence,” Brogan snickered. “What should I tell him if he stops by?”

            “You haven’t seen me.”

            “Miss Laurence…”

            His voice trailed off as she smiled mischievously and placed her hands over her hears to ward off the sound of his voice. “Can’t hear you…” she sang as she quickly darted for the front door.

            Feeling like the weight of the world had been lifted off of her shoulders, she stepped off of the front steps to her apartment building and breathed in the crisp winter air with enthusiasm. Freedom at last. No worries, no problems, just the cold wind in her face while her feet hit the pavement in a steady rhythm.

            Hayden zipped up her windbreaker and bent down to tighten the laces on her running shoes before taking off at full speed down the sidewalk. There was nothing like an early morning jog to make the soul feel better. She felt the cold wind whip her in the face and picked up her pace to stay warm.

            She passed the park and watched the children bundled up in their warmest winter jackets, playing on the swing sets and slides. There was a younger man walking his dog while he spoke on his cellular phone and a lady that looked like she was in her forties sitting on a bench and staring at the Wall Street Journal, her black business suit freshly pressed.

            Hayden lifted her hand in a cheerful wave as she passed Mario, the famous street peddler that always stood on the corner trying to sell designer knockoff watches and jewelry. He had a pretty good stock, most looking like the real thing. But most of his merchandise was way overpriced.

            She ran by Bernard’s Bakery Shop. He waved at her as he pulled a fresh loaf of bread out of the oven. The fragrant aroma of Bernard’s hot from the oven pastries and pies teased her nostrils. Her stomach growled rebelliously but she continued on her trek.

            Privately owned book stores, bakeries, and antique shops littered the street that she lived on. This area personified Manhattan. To her, this was the true legacy of New York City, these shops that had been here before the conglomerates had began taking over bit by bit. Before long, these family operated and owned businesses would be nonexistent. The color and integrity that they brought to the streets of Manhattan would be desecrated. It was sad how companies like Stratford Financing had put fear into the private business owner’s mind.

            After about an hour of running, she finally began to run out of speed. Spying a café out of the corner of her eye, she made haste towards the little store. Once inside, the fragrant aroma of fresh ground coffee teased her nose and beckoned to her. She walked up to the counter and ordered the tallest cup of steaming hot latte and found a small table in the corner of the shop.

            Hayden took a seat at the wrought iron bistro table and stretched her legs out in front of her, crossing her tennis shoe clad feet at the ankle. She glanced around at the few patrons scattered around the cozy café before reaching for the New York Times sitting on the table in front of her. She glanced at her watch and figured she had an hour she could kill before she had to make her way back to her apartment. Relaxing her back against the chair, she pulled the paper up in front of her face and became lost in the articles.

          Hayden heard the chime on the door behind her and absently looked in that direction. Brian strode over to her on his long lean legs with a frown upon his face. He sat down at the table and stared at her for a long moment. She could tell by the look on his face that he was obviously irritated with her. But for what, she didn’t know.

            “Good morning,” Hayden said brightly.

            “Is it?” he growled. “I’ve been following you for the last hour trying to get your attention. Didn’t you hear me yelling your name?”

            She simply shrugged and picked up her cup of coffee. “I’m sorry.”

            “I need to talk to you.”

            Hayden sipped her coffee and cursed silently as the steaming hot liquid burned her tongue. “What about?”

            “My mother is throwing an engagement party for us on Saturday night. I need you to clear your schedule.”

            She nearly choked. “An engagement party? You’ve already told your mother?”

            “Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

            “How did she take the news?”

            “Hayden, you make it sound like I told her I was about to give a lung to someone or that I had been diagnosed with cancer.”

            “I can’t help it. Your mother despises me.”

            “She does not,” he protested.

            “Brian, she hates me and you know it.”

            “Okay,” Brian finally conceded. “Perhaps you’re not her first choice for a daughter-in-law. But she does not hate you. She barely even knows you.”

            Hayden smiled sheepishly. “Can we get out of it?”

            His reply was a simple chuckle. Hayden knew that there was no way out of a torturous evening at the Stratford Estate under the scrutiny of the notorious Evangeline Stratford. But it didn’t hurt to pray for a miracle, or maybe a sudden case of the flu.

            “No,” Brian laughed and gave her an accusatory stare as if he could read her thoughts.

            Hayden glanced up at him with guilty eyes. “But…”

            “I know how your mind works. You can’t fake the flu. You have to be there.” Noticing the surrendering look on her face, Brian reached over and squeezed her hand. “I promise we’ll be in and out.”

            “Don’t make a promise you can’t keep.”

            “Trust me, sweetheart. I hate my mother’s parties more than you could imagine. But she has her heart set on it. I can’t let her down.”

            Hayden wanted to be upset with Brian’s constant eagerness to please his dear old mother, but couldn’t find validation this time. Even if Evangeline disliked her vehemently, she had every right to want to throw her son an engagement party. “Okay,” she sighed. “But just so you know, I’m already dreading it.”

            “I know you are.” Brian stared at her thoughtfully before his smile returned. “Would you like to join me for breakfast?”

            Shrugging her shoulders, she allowed Brian to pull her up and followed him out of the coffee shop.

¨¨¨¨

            Hayden had left Brian behind after breakfast and rushed back to her apartment to get a shower. Miranda wasn’t there, but her things were still piled in the floor next to the sofa. She had to admit, it was going to be nice to have Miranda staying with her for a little while. Coming home alone tended to get a bit lonely after a while. That wouldn’t be the case once she married Brian. Hayden knew that she would never be forlorn again, except when he left her to go on business trips or spent long nights in the office working. But she could get past all that. In the long run, she would have Brian around for the rest of her life… Somehow that vision didn’t make her feel better.

            Hayden got out of the shower and put on a fresh pair of jeans and her favorite fluffy white sweater. She wandered over to her window and stared out across the bustling Manhattan streets. New York was always full of life, but Christmas time in the city made the streets even more chaotic with tourists.

            It was a beautiful sight to see and Hayden almost felt like a tourist herself when she walked along the sidewalks of New York, taking in the animated window displays at the department stores and the festive lights strung along trees and store awnings.

            She saw a few stray flakes of snow fall from the gray sky and smiled to herself. Snow and Christmas went together like Thanksgiving and turkey. She had never really seen a white Christmas until she had come to New York. It looked like this year was going to be covered in white powder.

            Hayden strolled over to her desk and sat down. She pulled out a yellow tablet and started ticking off her list of people whom she still had to buy Christmas gifts for. At the very bottom of the list was Brian. She still didn’t know what to get him. What did one buy for the person who already had everything?

            Hayden wanted the gift to be thoughtful and something that he would truly appreciate. But Brian had inherited his expensive taste from his mother. And it wasn’t that Hayden was so frugal with her fortune that she couldn’t squander her money away on something costly… It just wasn’t her way.

            Pushing the Christmas list aside, she pulled out her stack of Christmas cards and shuffled through them, making sure they were all properly addressed and stamped. She stopped at the card she had addressed to Walter and Elizabeth Tucker, Jake’s parents, and placed it on the top of the stack.

            The Tuckers had always been nice to her, had invited her over for holidays and special occasions so she wouldn’t have to spend them alone when her father had left town for a business trip. They had made her feel like part of their family and she had always appreciated that simple gesture.

            Hayden had sent them a card every year since she had left. She had been careful to make her note inside short and sweet. But this year, she felt like sharing more with the family she had left behind. As much as she hated Jake, she still loved his parents.

            How she wanted to have them at her wedding! It couldn’t hurt anything to simply announce that she was engaged and perhaps drop a hint that she would like them to attend the ceremony. They were practically the only family she had left.

            Reaching for her pen and paper, she began to write. She wrote about her life over the past year, how things had changed and how happy she was in New York. And then, she put down on paper her big announcement. She was engaged! But it wasn’t enough just to say that she was going to get married. She needed to make sure that they knew what a great guy that she was engaged to. Their approval had always meant so much to her.

            Somewhere in the back of her head, she hoped that Jake would get his hands on the letter. Perhaps he would be affected by it… Then again, maybe not. It didn’t matter because she was getting married and Jake Tucker would once and for all be a thing of the past.

            Hayden finished the letter, folding it neatly and stuffing it into the envelope. As she licked the flap and folded it over, she quickly pushed it away before she changed her mind about sending it. Sliding the cards away, she placed her hands palms down on the table and prepared to stand up when she caught a glimpse of a neon orange post-it note stuck to the telephone. She quickly grabbed it and read the note from Miranda. It said that she had to get some things cleared up with Wally and then she wanted to meet up at the Rockefeller Ice Skating Rink at three. Hayden quickly glanced at her watch and realized that it was going on three o’clock. She threw the note to the side, quickly stood up, and made a mad dash for her coat, her keys, and then the door.

¨¨¨¨

            Hayden sat on the bench beside of Miranda, lacing up her ice skates. Behind her stood the majestic Rockefeller Center and the famous ninety foot Christmas tree in all it’s glory with over twenty thousand colorful lights and a beautiful silver star at the top. The tree towered over the plaza which was occupied by the traditional horn-blowing angels which sparkled like crystal in the sunlight. The popular ice skating rink was below the tree, crowded with tourists and locals alike. Overlooking the rink was the golden god Prometheus in all of his glittering glory.

            Finishing with her skates, she stood up and felt herself teetering. She still hadn’t gotten ice skating down yet. Miranda, however, glided like a pro across the sparkling ice. Hayden fumbled to catch up.

            She watched Miranda do a little spin as she came to Hayden’s side and smiled. Hayden simply rolled her eyes and continued her choppy movements over the ice.

            “So,” Miranda said cheerfully. “Have you decided to go pro yet?”

            Hayden groaned at her friend’s teasing. “You’re very funny. Perhaps you should stop working for me and take your show on the road.”

            “Now, there’s an idea,” Miranda giggled as she did another fancy spin.

            “How did things go with Wes?”

            “The same way they always go. I told him everything I wanted. He told me everything he didn’t want, which just happened to be everything that I wanted. And we decided that this time, this break was more like a break up.”

            “I’m sorry, Miranda.”

            She shrugged impassively. “It’s just as well. He’s not the one. It’s better that I found out now.”

            “Do you think there is one perfect person for everyone out there?” Hayden asked skeptically.

            Miranda’s brow rose questioningly. “Don’t tell me you believe in soul mates.”

            “I used to.”

            “And you don’t anymore?”

            Hayden stopped skating, causing Miranda to also come to a halt. She stared at her friend for a long moment before skating back over to the bench and sitting down. Miranda followed and once seated beside of her, stared at her inquisitively.

            “Okay. What happened?” Miranda prompted.

            “What do you mean?”

            “With the one that broke your heart?”

            Hayden shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. He’s not worth me wasting my breath to even talk about.”

            “He hurt you that bad?”

            “He hurt me that bad,” she conceded. “And I hate him for it.”

            “Hate is an awful harsh word.”

            “Well I’m quite sure that’s the same word he uses to describe his feelings about me.”

            “How do you know?”

            “Trust me. I know.”

            “Was he your soul mate?”

            Hayden thought about the question before she answered it. And she knew the answer beyond the shadow of a doubt. “Yes, he was.”

            “They only come along once in a lifetime. And usually, no matter what… you are destined to be with that person. Sometimes distance makes the heart grow fonder.”

            “Not this time. The thought of him and what happened between us makes me nauseous. I can’t help it.” Hayden stared out across the ice rink, watching all of the couples holding hands as they circled. “I don’t even know why I’m thinking about him now. That was years ago.”

            “Maybe you’re starting to rethink marrying Brian.”

            Hayden’s eyes clashed with Miranda’s. “What does that have to do with anything?”

            “Because, you have been in love before and you know that your relationship with Brian feels nothing like that.”

            “I was a kid. And being in love isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. It leaves a lot more room for disappointment in the end.”

            “What happened to make you so cynical?”

            “I’m not cynical. I’m just wise.”

            “Tell me about him.”

            “Who?”

            “The one,” she replied slyly with a sparkle in her gray eyes.

            “I don’t want to talk about it.”

            “Come on. It’ll make you feel better.”

             Hayden rolled her eyes, determined that bringing up old memories would have no affect on her what so ever. “Jake and I were best friends from the time we were twelve years old,” she began. “Our lives revolved around each other in one way or the other for the longest time. We could talk together and just have fun. I could be myself around Jake. Sometimes, that was a bad thing because back then, I was not the nicest person. My father was away a lot on business trips and my mother had left us both when I was barely old enough to walk. The closest thing I had to a parent was Maria, my nanny.

            “We moved from Houston to a small town called Bakersfield when I was twelve. A lot of people called me a spoiled rich bitch and didn’t really want to have anything to do with me. And I was okay with that. I didn’t need them.

            “Jake and I were paired together as lab partners. At first, he seemed a little scared of me. But after the first week, we got along as if we had been lifelong friends. We did everything together and despite how much his friends warned him that I was bad news, he stuck by me. Soon, his friends accepted me, too.

            “We were buddies up until we went to high school. But somehow over the summer, right before our junior year, I found myself becoming more and more uncomfortable around him. And then I realized I had a crush on my best friend. But for the longest time, I refused to do anything about it. I was too worried that he didn’t feel the same way about me.

            “We played cat and mouse for a while. What can I say? We were very young and immature. Then it just happened that we found ourselves somehow drawn to one another. And I found out that he shared the same feelings that I had for him. But the timing was always off. Either he was with someone or I was with someone.

            “Eventually, we finally decided to do something about it. Everything came together like it was a perfect fit. When we were together, it was magical. I loved him more than I ever thought possible. And he loved me. It was perfect.”

            “What happened?”

            “Let’s just say something very big came between us. And we didn’t know how to act around each other any more. I got really fed up and decided that I couldn’t stay there and watch us grow further and further apart. So, I asked my dad for some money, packed a suitcase, and left without saying good-bye.”

            “So you never told him you were leaving?”

            “No. It was easier that way. Because I knew that I had already said good-bye without actually saying the words. Leaving was the easiest way for me to break loose.”

            “How come you never told me about him?”

            “I don’t know,” she shrugged. “Because I’ve spent the last seven years trying to forget.”

            “Why would you want to forget something so beautiful, even if it did end badly?”

            “Because remembering is a constant reminder of how badly I messed up.”

            “You messed up?”

            “Jake and I may have grown apart. But I didn’t stick around long enough to find out if it could have been fixed. I realize that now. I walked out on the best thing in my life without giving it a chance. And I can’t take it back.”

            “Would you want to take it back?”

            “I don’t know. A few years ago, I would have said no without even thinking. But growing up and realizing that I can’t blame my problems on everyone else like I’ve always been so used to doing has made me realize something. I am as much to blame as he was. I was too busy obsessing about how he was treating me that I didn’t think about how he was feeling.”

            “Maybe you could go and find him and rekindle whatever was between the two of you,” she offered optimistically.

            “You are a hopeless romantic.”

            “I don’t call it hopeless.”

            “How about disillusioned?”

            “Hayden, obviously you still think about this guy. Why would you settle for

Brian, no matter how great he is, when you could have something passionate with someone you really love?”

            “It’s not that simple. I can’t just show up and make him fall in love with me again, even if I wanted to. Which I don’t.”

            “Why not?”

            “You’re kidding, right?”

            “No, I’m not. I firmly believe that there is always a second chance.”

            “I ruined any chance I had with him when I left.”

            “How do you know?”

            “It was ten years ago. He has moved on with his life. We both have. You can’t go back, Miranda. And to think that you can is fooling yourself.”

            “Maybe not.”

            “That’s absurd. Jake Tucker stopped loving me the moment I walked away from him. And the truth is, I have moved on with my own life. We were eighteen years old. A lot of time has gone by. Neither one of us would be the same people we were back then. We would have nothing in common. It would be like staring at a stranger. Besides, he’s probably married now with a few kids.”

            “You know what I think. I think that you’re scared. You would rather stick with someone safe like Brian instead of taking a chance on falling in love. Whether it be with this Jake guy or someone else… Why settle? Why wouldn’t you want to see what else is out there?”

            “I don’t expect for you to understand this… But I have lived the majority of my life in mayhem. I think I deserve to settle for something safe.”

            “Something safe leads to something boring. You will never be happy, Hayden. You may think that you will, but you won’t.” With that, Miranda stood up and skated away, leaving Hayden to her own thoughts.

Continued