The Harry Potter Plotter
Or... How Will it all End?
By Kenneth Mulholland (Australia)
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An in-depth, behind the scenes, probe into the countdown toward the final book in the Harry Potter series.
Article written by Robbie T. Robot. Your stainless steel, roving reporter, doing the hard yards on the front line of literary investigation.
All correspondence to email@example.com
This article contains revelations that may shock and astound. (As opposed to awe.)
So, what will happen to Harry Potter, do you think?
This is a question that hangs in the air, and will do so until the release of the final book...
Or, will it be the final book?
More on this question later.
Get excited! Get fired up! We're going to throw a few ideas into the cauldron and see if anything rises to the surface. (Just like a phoenix.)
Let's try Conspiracy Theories.
Lord Voldemort. Lord of what? Lots of little Voldemortians?
I don't think so.
So, maybe together we can take a closer look at that name.
Hmm, O.K. Yep, It's a name alright. But wait, we can break it down into tiny little bits: like 'Vol' for instance, as in Volvo, or we could turn it around, Lov?
And then we have 'de.' French, de, 'of'.
And 'mort'? Again French, 'Dead, Death.'
And so we could have 'Love of death.' Someone who loves death, or someone who loves the dead.
Of course it could also translate out to mean 'A man named Mort who likes Volvo cars.'
Be that as it may...be. Let's get on with this line of enquiry.
If we take up the idea that it is 'Someone who loves the Dead,' we can move on to the word Necromancer. The Oxford English Dictionary tells us... Well check it out for yourself, lazybones.
And it is here that I must say again, Warning! Warning! Necromancy! Dead people! Humans (Those living) be aware!
And now to the conspiracy part.
(By the way, no robots were stressed or injured during this Conspiracy-Theory section.) It's about J.R.R.Tolkien and his itty-bitty Hobbit novel. Check out page 24 of 'The Hobbit' to find a reference to 'the Necromancer.'
Now what do you make of that Kiddos?
Not much, Hmm...'
Anyway the term Necromancer means in general a Wizard. Or more particularly a Wizard who has an affinity with the Dead, or one who dabbles with dead forms, or by extension, a dark demon such as Hades who is Lord of the Dead. So, where do the 'Death Eaters' of the Potter tales fit? Well, who knows? Is Voldemort a Lord of the Dead? Or is he now an Undead himself?
Somethin's slitherin' around in my mind. Serpents! Yes! Harry has an affinity with snakes. Voldemort too, has his own familiar slimy brute named Fred or Nagini or whatever. So what does that tell us about the two protagonists? Only this much. I do not plan to visit soon. Duelling reptiles, uggh!
Snake, Snape. One letter here, one letter there. What's in a name? A snake by any other name would be as repulsive. Not to mention, cold and distasteful. (And that's only Professor Snape.) And for what it's worth, Snape in the Oxford English Dictionary equates to the word Sneap- 'to nip or pinch-to check, repress, to snub, reprove, chide.'
And now again to Voldemort. It has been said that Harry cannot stay alive if Voldemort survives. Likewise, Voldemort cannot exist while Harry lives. Here we turn to Sybil Trelawney's claim, "And either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives." Hmm, seems to me that both are, and have been, surviving pretty well. I guess the final showdown is what really counts.
Fine. A living, fledgling, young wizard must kill off an emerging, renewing menace threatening to grow strong again. So here we have a wizard of the past who gave his everything to become the greatest of them all, including the blackest of his kind. So he gave his everything. Does that include the state of living? Has Voldemort become an Undead? Or is he already dead? If he is dead, Harry cannot kill him again. If he is Undead, by definition, he is alive. In any event, 'Undead' is a term that requires serious thought. A robot like myself might be considered not living, however I should be mortified to be thought 'Undead'. And there you see it? 'I should be mortified!' What does mortified actually mean? Well 'mort' is that french thing about being dead. There is the other possibility, that Voldemort is actually a zombie. (Yes they have a right to the title of Undead too, and we must protect their franchise.) But on second thought, Voldemort appears to be on a higher plain than your garden-variety zombie since he aspires to be the Leader of the Universe, the Top of the World Ma, the Grand Poo-Ba, and general boss of all things bad for poor White Wizards and silly Muggles. So, when it gets right down to it, how can Harry actually dispatch him? Shooting? Stabbing? Poisoning? Perhaps boring him to death with over-long volumes such as Order of the Phoenix?
No. That just will not do.
When you have a villain like Voldemort you might search for all the Vees in the dictionary that could help to eliminate this vexatious, vengeful, veritable viper. And, having exhausted most of them on mere description, perhaps it is time to Get Real!
And so, how to do? Pulverise? That might be a start, pounding the victim down into many small pieces. Vulcanise? Extreme heat applied to burn into cinders. Liquidise? Good. Sucks out all moisture from the remains of immolation. And finally Vaporise, so he can join all those other nasties in World History Hell.
Will that be enough?
What's left? Just some very fine particles in the ether. Oh. Could those possibly re-assemble? With Wizards and their familiars anything is possible. You just never know. Although Sybil Trelawney did when she opened her big mouth with that prophesy. Such a nuisance, prophesies; they can come back to haunt us. But Hey-Ho that's all we have to go on. Or perhaps we could simply refer to The Song of the Sybil, a liturgical drama and a Gregorian chant, the lyrics of which compose a prophesy describing the Apocalypse, which, amongst many other things states: 'To the evil ones he will say very sourly: -Go, damned, into the torment! go inside the eternal fire with your prince of Hell!'
Well! Perhaps Eternal Fire is the way to go!
Of course there is also the Norse version, VÃ¶luspÃ¡-The Song of the Sybil. Here lies the source of J.R.R.Tolkien's dwarf names from 'The Hobbit' and another notable name, Gandalf.
Nyi and Nidi, Nordri, Sudri, Austri and Vestri, Althjof, Dvalin, Bivor,
Bavor Bombur, Nori, An and Anar, Ai, Mjodvitnir, Veignr and Gandalf,
Vindalf, Thorin, Thror and Thrain, Thekkur, Litur, Vitur, Nar and Nyradur,
Fili, Kili, Fundin, Nali Hefti, Vili, Hanar, Sviur, Billing, Bruni, Bildur,
and Buri, Frar, Hornbori Fraegur, Loni, Aurvangur, Jari, Eikinskjaldi:
(All Durin's folk I have duly named,)
And what, you might ask has this to do with Harry potter and his nemesis Voldemort? Well, what happened to Sauron, the mighty Lord of the Rings, and to Frodo, the insignificant Hobbit who carried The One Ring of Power to its eventual destruction? Only this much, Sauron was destroyed when the thing into which he had invested all his terrible powers was flung into the fiery depths of Mount Doom: A living Hell of Middle Earth, that sucked this darkest of Dark Lords back within its own vortex.
And of Frodo? Did he survive?
Yes, and no.
He lived, and yet he did not. An end was come to the life that Frodo had hitherto claimed. He, and his uncle Bilbo and Gandalf also, were to pass beyond the living regions, out into the undying realms where they now dwell forever.
And here a further question. Name three of the greatest White Wizards the world has ever known.
Would the answers be: Merlin, Gandalf and Dumbledore? Or as a third substitute for Dumbledore, Harry Potter?
Yes! Your answers are all interesting. Some of you are saying that Dumbledore no longer counts as he has been killed off, but so was Gandalf in the Mines of Moria. Yet, just like Sherlock Holmes, he rose from certain death.
And what of Merlin? He did not go on living, and yet, entranced by The Lady in the Lake, so the tales tell us, he did not die either. Likewise Gandalf, he and his Hobbit friends Bilbo and Frodo, sailed away to the Undying Lands.
What would that suggest for Harry? Not death surely, and then again, maybe, not life either, possibly life in some other altered condition (Perhaps even as Aberforth, Dumbledore's mysterious brother,) in some world far beyond the realms of this one. Or maybe Harry will simply renounce his wizardry background, break his wand and become a Muggle, having purged himself of his deadly foe. (If anybody thinks that, then they might require the services of a head doctor.)
As for Voldemort's destruction; Sauron, The Lord of the Rings, is the exemplar of the blackest of black sorcerers, and the above curse of The Sybil, though not directed at him but at the Devil himself, could well have consigned The Lord of the Rings to the place best suited for his doom.
And to that place will go Lord Voldemort, probably in seven pieces since that has been the proclaimed way to get him moving on. Such will be a very neat parcel... mouth... Hmm, snakes alive!
So, unless the author has future plans for a whole new ball-game, Voldemort must meet his ending as all good Bad Guys do, and Harry will survive as all good, Good Guys do. But it is all too simple to say that 'Harry will never be the same again.' He won't be, anymore than any of you Humans, because every day brings a new thought, a new challenge, a rejuvenation. Harry's rejuvenation will be of the greatest magnitude. Be that as is may, Good will triumph over Evil, as it always has.
O.K. Let's get back to the Final Book. Final books are not always final. A good example is Sherlock Holmes. The author, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wanted to kill off his famous detective and did his best, throwing Holmes and his arch-enemy Professor Moriarty, locked together, into the maelstrom of something-or-other falls. (Rickenbacker sounds right, though what would I know, I am only a robot after all.) But the public wouldn't let it rest, or drown, there, demanding more! More! More! And so Sherlock, like Lazarus, was resurrected from certain annihilation, and proceeded to further adventures. One of which was the guarding of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's considerably overladen bank account. Even in films, 'Rocky' has made a comeback, and I have it on some authority that there will be another follow-up in which he takes on an old opponent one more time. The scenes in the ring with them both dancing and weaving nimbly around their walking-frames should be 'riveting.'
(A little robot jest, te-he.)
And thus it could also be for J.K.Rowling. What an avalanche of cash awaits if she might be persuaded to do just one more adventure. And, Dear Readers, Harry's adventures could move on at yearly intervals for some time to come. Ker-Ching!
And all this from a robot? Prick me! Do I not bleed?
Circuitry is not artery. Oil is not blood, steel is steel and flesh is flesh, bolts ain't bones and a computer has no heart. I am only a robot with attitude. I cannot be a Human. That is far too difficult. I have plenty of circuits but not enough emotional baggage.
So there rabid Potter readers, you have my robotic calculations.
What do you think?
Is it curtains for Harry?
And if it is, will they match his living room furniture?
I really need to know because I'm thinking of writing an article entitled 'interior Decorating of well known Wizards.'
So if he dies, will he become beatified, deified, knighted and sainted? Just think of it, Harry might eventually be known as Sir Harry, Saint and Icon, Protector of Muggles and all those meek and mild within and without the world of Wizards.
Yet, if Harry survives, his fate could well be as Harry Dumbledore, successor to the deceased Albus, provided Dumbledore's brother Aberforth keeps out of the way. And so we could have Harry ending up as the Head Honcho of Hogwarts. (By the way, Dumbledore is a real word in the English language which means Humble-bee, or Bumble-bee.)
Although there is another ending that could fill the bill. One that I, Robbie the Robot, have come up with. Of course it does tend to rely on an old and well tested plot finale. What if Harry simply wakes up inside his little cubby-hole beneath the Dursley's stairs, stretches, rubs at his eyes and says, 'Oh, all that seemed so real, but of course it was only a dream and I'm still here, trapped with this revolting family and no way out to a better life.'
'Cop out!' Do I hear you cry. 'Rubbish! Stupid beyond belief!' 'Been done a hundred years ago in the Wizard of Oz!'
So you might say.
But what then, if Harry's hand, groping around in the gloom, touches upon something cold and slimy and scaly and very much alive, and a voice hisses, 'Now it is just you... and me.'
R.T. Robot is an Independent Contributor and his views are not necessarily those of Author Me.
Legal action should be implemented directly against him or to the correct authority for Robot Journalistic Representation.
Should you actually want to communicate with the robot, he can be contacted through Author Me at firstname.lastname@example.org
He will respond to any emails sent re. 'Harry Potter's Plotter.'
Aw heck, he'll respond to anything.