My Father was a Female
By Rutagengwa Claude Shema
Great Lakes Peace Initiative (GLPI)
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My father was a female
-By Dr.Claude Shema-Rutagengwa
GLPI(Great Lakes Peace Initiative)
Since I was born, I have never seen my biological father, and until now while I am about a 30 year-old girl, but my feelings day and night are more and more oriented to the fact of missing to see, at least once, my biological father. Every time I attempted to ask my mom Lisa Franklin, she used to skip the question since ages ago, she never liked to hear my stupid question about "who and where is my dad?" You can imagine when my Oedipus complex became higher. I became like evil against my mom.
One day, sitting on my sofa, it was around 21:00 in the evening, after reading my precious book called "Understanding the Creation Evolution contreversy" by Pr.Dr.E.C. Ashby, about modern science and the Bible. I was a little bit tired, of course, after my daylong school class and a new idea came suddenly into my mind: "To whom do I belong?"
I had the same question every single morning, afternoon, evening, night, and even my nightmares were always about my biological father who I have never seen in my life.
And I remember, when I was young, my mom used to tell me that she was my father and my mom at the same time, and I agreed. But, I wonder, because according to what I have learned from the school, it is so impossible to be a female and male at the same time. And I have not heard about any woman who gave birth without having sex with a man!
Even the Holy Spirit exercised his holiness on St. Mary so that she could give a birth to Jesus Christ-according to the Bible-!
Is it true that my father was a female? – I was asking myself, every single second.
How come? Why me?
On a bigger wall screen TV, I am watching a show on family wellbeing, and my eyes won't quite stand the little nice girl kidding with her father on the compound of their garden. Oh Gosh! I feel so jealous. I want to play with my Daddy like that happy girl. Why not? Why me? Why do I have to feel like this?
Finally, I had to approach my mom and ask her politely and strategically.
Mom, I am so sorry for any disturbance and any other mistakes that I may have committed. I know that I was a naughty girl, misbehaving and impolite and rude too often whenever I began asking you all stupid questions .I beg you to pardon me my dearest mom. I am sorry. I bend down on my knees because of the deep sorrow I have caused you, my dearest and beloved mom.
Now I am still down here nearest your bed begging you for forgiveness. I am sorry!
Then my Mom turned her back with her blue PJ's under the blue marine bed cover, and looked at my scared face, full of tears lurking on my cheeks, and touched my poor hair and then she told me:"My dearest daughter, I am so sorry for the mistake I have done too. You asked me 1,000 times about your biological father. Sometimes I lied to you, telling you that your uncle Jeffrey Franklin is your biological father, but this wasn't true my beloved one. Sometimes I used to tell you that Jesus Christ is the biological father of all kids including you, and you believed somehow, because you were young, but it wasn't true, my angel.
But, I would like to ask you one and last thing. Just give me more time, I will tell you the whole truth when I will be free. Now I feel so bad in my heart, I feel like I have no space and nowhere to start from. But I promise you my angel, from now, I will tell you the whole truth, but not right now...Give me more time..."
After my mom told me that, I had a strong warm feeling inside me, and I felt like sweating and melting my entire body.
She got tears in her old eyes, and I felt pity and sorrow for her, and then I had to hug her and dry out her tears. I felt so guilty. And I said: "I am sorry mom, I didn't want to hurt you. I am sorry. I will never ask you the same stupid question my beloved mom..."
"It is ok my angel. It is not your fault, it is mine!” My mom told me.
Ok, it is a little bit late, I am going to sleep my mom, see you tomorrow. Sleep well.
“You too my angel.
I kissed my mom on her old cheek, and she did the same to me, and then I went to take my last shower before I lay down on my bed. After a warm shower, I lay down and slept like a baby.
Following days and weeks, I didn't ask anything about my routine questions to my mom. Since she had promised to find an appropriate moment to talk about it, I had to wait with huge curiosity.
Then one weekend, it was my birthday, July 4th.We were at Miami Beach to celebrate my birthday.
My boyfriend Eddy was with me, and my aunt Jade who paid almost every thing for that memorial trip from our home place - Vancouver to Miami Beach - was there too with her two nice kids. The time for gifts had come. Every one was smiling and laughing at that half-heaven place, I mean Miami Beach, but sometimes my mom looked sad. Yet I didn't want to bother her by asking a million times why she was sad. And also I didn't want to show every body present there that my mom had some personal problems… whatever...!
Standing behind my boy friend Eddy, with huge feelings and nice emotions to be with him and with my relatives in that party, opening the containers of thousands of gifts for that precious occasion, then I got one from my mom as well. It was a nice big pink box. She knew that I like pink, blue marine and other similar colours, and then I got one nice greeting card. On the title was written that I must read the contents in a private place. Then I had to put it back into the envelope and keep on with the ceremony. But when I opened it, my mom didn't feel comfortable, and I could read that into her face. I was so curious really - why all those coincidences?
After the party, Eddy and I went into the nightclub, and this was a surprise gift from him.
We had fun until 4 am and then we went back to our lodge to rest until 14:00 the second day.
Meanwhile, Eddy had to leave, for his flight was scheduled at 18:00 the same day evening. Then it was a little bit busy time, a part of some short romance time, and we had to hurry. Actually this helped me a lot to not think about my mom's gift anymore, and it gave me a kind of calmness for a while.
After my boy friend Eddy left, I went back to my room in the lodge and open the gift from my mom.
It was a long letter, but what was the first and last phrase to remember from it was..."my dearest daughter, you have been asking yourself all the time about your biological father and sometimes you think that your father was a female, but the truth is that I am your biological mother and I don't know who your father is. Even the medical doctor who did that modern technology on me doesn't know the source of that product, because you were born via artificial human insemination. This was because, after a couple of disappointments I experienced with men, I decided to get pregnant and give birth without being in love or having sex with any man.
That is the reason why I have told you often that I am your father, and your mom at the same time..."
After reading it, I cried, and my tears went off after a while when I began thinking about to whom or what I belong.
In case that artificial human insemination was from an animal, for example, I really doubted still - to whom do I belong? I guess it’s better if I don’t think a lot about the new technology’s effect on me, better I should think again that my father was a female. This would help me to love my mom more and understand her disappointment in love with men, and I guess in the future many people who might be born through this new modern science and technology would then think like me.