The Long Road Home

By Jamie Nicole White

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Chapter Two
 

            Hayden didn’t want to seem ungrateful for his proposal, although by her standards, it was the most unromantic display she had ever witnessed. And yet, something about the idea of marrying Brian didn’t seem all that bad. She had given up on love long ago. She had given up on true romance and passion. Before her lay a future that was certain and stable. Her life had always been muddled and chaotic.

Hayden was not getting any younger and this was an offer that was all too appealing.

            “Where is this coming from,” she asked suspiciously.

            “My heart,” was Brian’s simple reply.

            “We never talked about a serious relationship. I mean, this is a pretty drastic step.”

            “It may seem that way. But I think it’s a step that you and I both are ready for. I’m tired of not knowing who I’m going to wake up beside of tomorrow or the next day or the next day. I’m tired of playing the field. I want to settle down and start a family. And you are the one I want to do that with.”

            “Okay,” she simply said.

            “Okay?”

            “I’ll marry you,” Hayden shrugged unemotionally.

            Brian’s reaction to her acceptance wasn’t that of a lovesick fool. But that of a man about to enter into a solid business venture. He placed the ring on her finger and gave her a brotherly hug before returning to his seat.

            The rest of the night played out like any other night. There was no real excitement or giddiness over their new relationship. It was as if he hadn’t just asked her to marry him and she hadn’t accepted. To her, it seemed odd that she didn’t feel any kind of emotion either way. Better not to analyze it, just be grateful that a handsome and kind man wanted to marry her.

¨¨¨¨

            Hayden stepped into her apartment and shut the door quickly behind her. She leaned against it and suddenly felt as though she was going to hyperventilate. What was she thinking agreeing to marry Brian? Had she gone mad? Hayden

couldn’t help but wonder if she had desensitized herself so much to feelings and emotions that she would be so eager to enter a marriage based solely on companionship and camaraderie. Had she disillusioned herself to the idea of love and romance that a simple dispassionate proposal seemed somehow appealing?

            Brian was a great catch by society’s standards, but there had to be more. Smiling to herself, she came up with the perfect idea. She would sit down and make out a list of pros and cons to marrying Brian. Since she entered most undertakings in her life with chaotic fashion, this would be a nice change for her. Quickly, she walked into her small and cozy den and sat down at her desk. Drawing a pen and

paper out of her drawer, she began dividing the sheet into two columns. She scribbled pros in one column and cons in the other.

            Chewing on the end of the ink pen, she stared at the blank sheet of paper and began devising her list. As for pros, she had quite an interesting list. He was handsome, kind, and incredibly rich, which didn’t matter much to her since she had practically turned herself into a millionaire with her modeling career. In the cons column, the list was a bit longer. He was boring, came from a snobbish family, a reformed playboy, and most importantly, she wasn’t in love with him.

            Hayden had sworn to herself a long time ago that she wouldn’t follow through on anything that she felt less than passionate about. Sure, it had been a while since she had met someone that made her knees weak and her heart race

beyond comprehension. But just because she had lost that feeling long ago didn’t mean that she would never find it again.

            For her to think that the man she had loved all those years ago was her one and only would be ludicrous. There were a lot of people out there that she could find equal happiness with and feel affection for. The truth was, she hadn’t really looked for another person to replace ‘him’. It didn’t mean that the right man wasn’t out there.

            Marrying Brian wouldn’t exactly be a bad thing, though He was a decent person deep down inside. What if he tended to look at her as if she were crazy most of the time? That wasn’t unusual. Most everyone had a propensity to look at her as if she had more than a few screws loose. It was something she had become accustomed to since making her mark in New York.

            There was something about a millionaire living in a small one bedroom apartment with second hand furniture and a less than expensive wardrobe that made people apprehensive about her. It was as if no one had ever met a humble millionaire before. What was wrong with the way she chose to live her life? Money could only buy objects and possessions that in the end meant nothing in the greater scheme of things.

            She had been brought up in a well established household, her father being wealthy in his own right. And he had taught her from a young age that money was something that you owned, not something that owned you. He had shown her many cases where people gained wealth and eventually let it destroy their lives. She was not about to be another one of his statistics.

            Life was much more than the home she lived in or the car that she drove. Life was about the people that surrounded her day in and day out. It was about the

people that she loved and those that loved her in return. Life was about enjoying the little things and embracing her true fortune… her friends.

            That was another thing to add to her cons list. Brian had a yearning for the best things money could buy. He had inherited that trait from his sophisticated mother.           

            Evangeline Stratford was the most snobbish, uppity, socialite she had ever met in her life. She sported her fur coats and diamond rings with more pride than she deserved. Eve would not function properly without her chauffeurs and maids. The woman only traveled by limousines and Bentleys. Evangeline Stratford embraced everything that Hayden rebelled against. She embodied wealth and superiority. Hayden bucked the stereotypical self-importance complex that had personified people like Brian’s mother. 

            Hayden backed her chair away from the desk and covered her face with her hands as she paced the sanctity of her quaint apartment. Was she prepared to marry into the Stratford family? Her connection with Brian was merely a ruse when she examined it further. They were as different as night and day.

            Compatibility aside, Brian was as boring as the day was long. Did she really think that she could pull off a marriage of convenience? That was all that their nuptials would be. Society would laugh at their union as if it were a practical joke. In the real world, Hayden knew that society didn’t matter to her. But to the Stratfords, their name and their connections among that society were their life preserver. They thrived on holding up the credibility of their family. Hayden would only take away from that integrity. She knew that she had become a thorn in the side of the respectable elite of Manhattan’s privileged. Because she didn’t adhere to their philosophies and way of life, she was an outcast.

            Suddenly, she heard a faint knock at her door and set aside all of her wayward thoughts as she strode over and put a welcoming smile on her face. Miranda Roberts’ tempestuous grin greeted her as she bounced into the apartment with an overstuffed suitcase. Miranda strolled straight to the den and set the bag on the floor before turning her gray eyes in Hayden’s direction. She ran a slender hand through her pale blonde hair and attempted to grin as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

            Walking back over to Hayden, Miranda shut the door and grabbed her friend’s hand, pulling her over to the sofa. “You look like shit,” she mused.

            “Thanks,” Hayden replied absently. She stared at the duffle bag with wide curious eyes. Then, her gaze fixed on Miranda. “What’s in the bag?” she asked with suspicion.

            “Oh. My clothes.” She lifted her shoulders indifferently and made her way to the kitchen where she began to rummage through the refrigerator. Miranda pulled out a bottle of beer and closed the refrigerator, only to find Hayden standing directly in front of her with her brow raised inquisitively.

            Miranda merely shrugged and wandered off towards the den, Hayden close on her heels. She popped the cap and swigged back the cold amber liquid.

            Her friend’s failure to acknowledge her irritated Hayden to no end. Just a simple answer was all that she wanted. But Miranda had to be the most annoying person she knew. The woman had skirted around her as if showing up at Hayden’s apartment with a duffle bag full of clothes was no big deal.

            Hayden put a hand on Miranda’s shoulder and spun her around to face her. “Your clothes?”

            “Yeah,” she answered flippantly.

            “Um… shouldn’t your clothes be in your dresser at your apartment?”

            “They should.”

            Hayden loved Miranda like a sister. Yet, her friend had a very annoying way of beating around the bush. “Why aren’t they?” Hayden pasted on her best, non-intrusive smile.

            Miranda sighed. “Wes kicked me out.”

            Hayden tried to stifle her laughter. “What is this? The third time this month or the fourth?” Miranda and Wesley had been in a torturous relationship for the last year or so. They fought worse than couples that had been married for forty years. Taking turns kicking each other out, Hayden supposed it was Miranda’s number this week.

            “The fifth actually.” Miranda stared at her best friend for only a moment before giving her a plea-filled smirk. “Can I stay with you?”

            “Sure. You know you’re always welcome.”

            Her disposition was cheerful. “Thank you.”

            “How long?”

            “What?”

            “How long this time?” The last time, Miranda had taken up residence on her couch for a month and a half. The time before that, it had been three months. But the two star-crossed lovebirds always seemed to get back together.

            Miranda quietly contemplated the question before her expression crumbled into misery. “Indefinitely,” she whined.

            Hayden placed a comforting arm around her sad friend’s shoulder. “Is it for good this time?”

            She sniffled and nodded. “I think so.”

            “What happened?” Hayden led her to the couch and sat her down.

            It was odd how Miranda had such bad luck at relationships. She was

beautiful and selfless. Yet, her personality had always attracted the very worst characters. That was the foundation of their friendship.

            Hayden had met Miranda in a hotel lobby in Las Vegas. She had been honeymooning with her new husband, who turned out to be the scum of the earth. Poor Miranda had found him in the hotel pool with a showgirl the second night of their honeymoon. The compromising position that she had witnessed had left very little for interpretation.

            When Hayden had nearly plowed Miranda down in the lobby, she had felt bad for her. Miranda had smudged mascara and red-rimmed eyes. Feeling the woman’s pain, Hayden knew that she couldn’t leave her alone. She had taken Miranda to the bar with her and bought her a drink. One drink followed another and another until they had ended up getting smashed and partying all night. That one chance encounter had turned into a binding friendship. Hayden would do almost anything for Miranda.

            “It’s just,” Miranda began, “we want two different things.”

            “How so?”

            “I want to settle down and get married. I want to have kids and build a life with someone.”

            “What does Wes want?”

            “None of those things,” she cried helplessly.

            Hayden placed her left hand over Miranda’s in a comforting gesture. “It’s better to find out now, don’t you think?”

            Miranda’s eyes widened as her gaze clashed with the ornate diamond sparkling on Hayden’s finger. She snatched Hayden’s hand up and stared at the ring cross-eyed. “Oh my God,” she gasped.

            Hayden pulled her hand out of Miranda’s grasp. “It’s nothing.”

            “Is that what I think it is?”

            “It’s nothing,” she repeated.

            “Well, I wouldn’t tell Brian that. I’m sure that ring cost him a pretty penny.”

            Hayden stared at the engagement ring as if it would burn her skin and quickly pulled it off of her finger. She set the ring on the coffee table and turned her attention back to her friend. “So, what are you going to do now?”

            “Uh-unh. You don’t get off that easily. Are you going to marry Brian?” she asked as she crinkled her nose disdainfully.

            “Well… sort of.”

            “Sort of? You sort of like liver or pinto beans. You can even sort of like

someone or dislike them. You don’t sort of marry someone. Either you do or you don’t.”

            “It’s complicated.”

            “You’ve obviously said yes. You’re wearing his ring,” she replied sarcastically as she rolled her eyes.

            “I don’t want to talk about it.”

            “Fine. We won’t talk about it.” Miranda stared at Hayden in silence that only lasted for a mere five seconds before she groaned. “We have to talk about it. Are you seriously thinking about marrying him?”

            “I’m not thinking about it. I’ve already told him yes.”

            “Well, call him back and tell him no.”

            “Miranda…”

            “You can’t marry him,” she said matter-of-factly.

            “Why not? I thought you liked Brian.”

            “I like Brian because you like Brian.”

            “So you don’t like him?”

            “He’s not my favorite person. But my like or dislike for the man has nothing to do with it.”

            “Then, why don’t you think I should marry him?”

            “Because you don’t love him.”

            “And what makes you an expert on love? If I recall, every relationship you’ve

been in where you have claimed to be madly in love with someone has ended… and not that well, I might add.”

            “At least I’m willing to take that chance. You would rather settle for someone who is safe.”

            “Safe is good. Safe keeps you from getting hurt.”

            “How would you know? You’ve never taken a chance on someone to get hurt.”

            “I’ve been hurt before,” she retaliated. “And let me tell you. It wasn’t fun.”

            “Oh really? When?” Miranda stared at her with expectant eyes.

            “A long time ago. I was in love and the world was great. But like all good things, it came crashing down. End of story.”

            Miranda’s mouth twisted in a slight smile. “I’d rather be hurt than feel nothing at all, Hayden.”

            “That’s where you and I differ. I would rather feel nothing at all.”

            With that, she stood up and hugged Miranda before disappearing into her bedroom. The past was better left alone. She had dwelled on it long enough. To hell with love and romance. Brian would make a great husband and a wonderful father. That was all that mattered when it came down to it. She could find happiness with him.

            Why wasn’t that enough? Why did her mind constantly keep wandering to the past, to the man that had stolen her heart and trampled all over it? This had to stop, but she couldn’t force herself to not think about him. He was all that she had known of real love and passion. Once upon a time, he had been the only thing her world revolved around.

            Jake Tucker had been her childhood friend, her partner in crime, and eventually the love of her life. They were inseparable and in love. She had thought the world of him, had convinced herself that this was the man she would spend the rest of her life with. But when things got tough, Jake had turned his back on her, had ran away and left her to deal with the situation he had helped her get into.

          Picking up everything and moving to New York had been her only salvation. It was the only way she knew to get away from the demons of their doomed relationship. And she had done well in the ten years that she had been gone from him. But now, with Brian’s proposal and her tortured mind refusing to believe that this was as good as it would ever get, thoughts of Jake were resurfacing, racing through her head like a brush fire.

            Getting over Jake was a figment of imagination. She had never truly forgotten the love they had once shared. Hopes of finding someone else to fill the void that he had left in her heart was diminishing fast. Hayden had searched all of Manhattan for that one special person that could erase Jake Tucker from her memory for good. Unfortunately, she had come up empty handed each time.

            Perhaps she wasn’t meant to forget him. Who ever really discarded memories of their first true love? Maybe she was just supposed to hold onto those dear moments and treasure them, yet be mature enough to let the man behind them go.

            It was time to move on. And New York had taught her that important lesson. She learned that dwelling on the past would quite possibly cause her to miss out on the future. And with that realization close in mind, she would force herself to move on. And Jake Tucker, as much as it destroyed her inside, would just be a vision of the past.

Continued