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The Hamleteers
Part 2
By Mary Cargill
Copyright 2000 Mary Cargill
THE MAY FAIR
It was Saturday the thirtieth of April.
Ed Counter presided over a meeting of the entertainment's committee, which was
held in the morning room at the vicarage. They had met to discuss the final
arrangements for the May Fair, to be held on the following Saturday in the
church grounds and halls. Penny Black, the secretary, read the minutes of their
last meeting, and Dr. Germicide, the treasurer, intimated that the accounts were
in a fairly healthy state. The committee, comprising of Avu, Rael, Willie, Ardis
and Husky, debated the number and type of stalls which should be allowed.
"A
cake stall is always popular," suggested Avu, "as is a plant and
vegetable. Everyone seems to make for these stalls as soon as the fair
opens," she added.
The
others nodded their agreement. Ed asked for other ideas.
"Well,
a book stall is useful," said Rael, "and maybe we could incorporate
some toys as well. I'm sure that everyone could find something in their attics
for that."
"How
about a few games," put in Willie. "Ardis and I could rig up a hoop-la
and bran tub."
"I'm
sure the folks would enjoy a coconut-shy as well," said Husky.
"I
have a rather large marquee," interrupted the doctor, "we could use it
as a refreshment station."
"Agreed,"
said Ed. "Melamine would be only too pleased to organize that side of
things."
Penny
was kept busy writing all the suggestions into her minute book. She listed all
the stalls, and suggested putting up a few posters around the area, plus an
advertisement in the "Shambles Sentinel."
Willie
and Ardis discussed erecting the stalls on the Friday night, so that everybody
could come along with donations, and the committee could lay out the produce.
"By
the way," asked Willie, "who is going to perform the opening
ceremony?"
"The
mayoress of Great Shambles," replied Ed. "I approached her some time
ago, and she said that it would be a pleasure to come along."
That
statement was met with general approval, and the meeting was brought to a close.
An announcement was made in church the next day, and Ed hoped that
everyone would support the event, both by donations of goods, and attendance on
the day.
During
the following week, the women were busy making jams and chutney, cakes and
scones, whilst the men folk
took cuttings of plants and potted them up, or found toys which needed some
attention. Children were encouraged to sort through long forgotten books, and
everything was packed into boxes, ready to transport to the hall, where
committee members waited to receive the gifts.
Arnie
carefully gathered up large bunches of cut flowers, and put them into buckets of
water. Derry had agreed to collect them with his trailer on Friday night, and,
true to his word, he arrived at Knowe Way at eight o'clock.
When
Ed and Melamine called at the hall, they were overwhelmed by the generosity of
the people of Bryde's Bay, and forecast a really good fair. By half past nine,
most of the donations had arrived, so the committee decided to lock up and go
home, since they would be having an early start next morning. Outside, Ardis and
Willie put the final touches to the games area, and Dr. Germicide had erected
the marquee. They said goodnight to each other, and hoped for fine weather the
next day.
Rael and Teenie breakfasted at
eight o'clock, and were ready to set off by nine. They were to be in charge of
the plant stall, and had spent some time on Friday night cutting up cards so
that they could put the prices of
the different plants at suitable vantage points.
As
they got into the car, Teenie asked Rael " did you remember the
cards?"
"Oh
yes Teenie. I have them safe and sound in my handbag, along with a plastic box
for the money."
The
teachers arrived at St. Bird's at the same time as Penny. "I hope that this
drizzle goes over soon," said the post mistress, "it could affect the
turnout if it doesn't.
"Well,
the forecast was quite good this morning," Rael replied, "the sun is
supposed to break through by mid morning."
"Let's
hope that the met office has got it right for once," laughed Penny, as she
carried a tray of cakes inside.
Ardis
and Willie were fixing up the platform for the visit of the mayoress.
"One,
two, one, two, testing, testing," said Willie, as he made sure that the
microphone was working.
"Seems
all right to me," said Ardis, and he switched it off again.
They
placed some flowers and greenery along the front of the stage, then set some
chairs and a table in the centre.
Over
at the tea tent, Melamine, Sian and Cherry were busy slicing rolls in readiness
for the expected crowds. Sausages were cooking slowly in a huge frying pan,
sending out a most appetising smell.
The
doctor had put up a large notice board outside the marquee, directing customers
towards the refreshments. Trestle tables were arranged around the inside, and
tip-up chairs were neatly stacked at one end.
Avu
and Ameron had finished pricing the cakes at their stall. "Such a fine
display of lovely cakes," commented Avu, "the ladies have been
busy."
"Yes,
yes," agreed Ameron, "I'm sure we will see a mad dash for them. The
cake stall is usually the first to be sold out."
Ava
and Sakov were responsible for the fruit, vel and grocery stall. The Kharis had
arrived with cases of tinned goods, and the two ladies had a hard job to find
room for everything.
Arnie
and V.C. Tenn set up the toy and book stand. "I'm sure that some of these
model cars are quite valuable Arnie, maybe even collectors items."
"Possibly,"
replied Arnie, as he handled a model of the coronation coach. "This one
could do with a dab of paint."
Husky
arrived in his new minibus, and made straight for the games area. "Mornin'
Willie," he burred, as he carried over a large box of knick-knacks for the
bran tub, and handed it to the sexton.
"Many
thanks Husky," said Willie as he accepted the 'disposable nappies' carton
which was filled to the brim with goodies. "Any idea how many items are
here?"
"Oh,
'bout an 'undred an' fifty," informed Husky, getting back into his bus.
"I'd better be off now, as I 'as to start collecting folk in about
'alf an hour. Be seein' yer later Willie," and he was gone in his
pride and joy, back to the centre of the village to await his passengers.
"Kindly
old soul Husky," remarked Willie to Ardis, who was setting up coconuts at
the shy. "He's offered to run people up here, free of charge."
Sandy came up to see how things were progressing. He sought out Ed, and
told him that he had put Ringo on traffic duty from one o'clock, until the fair
finished at five. "He can direct traffic as needs be, and also keep an eye
out for any of the known criminal fraternity who might consider the event a good
chance to do a bit of dipping."
"Thanks
Sandy. It's a relief to know that our police consider the fair worth a bit of
attention. Come and have a cup of tea with me over at the marquee. I'm sure
Melamine will be glad to see you."
Ed
and Sandy walked over to the refreshment area and disappeared into the tea tent.
Everything was ready. It was a quarter to one, and the village shops would be
closing in fifteen minutes. The mayoral car was due to arrive at one-thirty.
Melamine called all the helpers over for something to eat and a welcome sit
down.
Fifteen
minutes later, Husky arrived with his first load of passengers. He dropped them
off at the car park and went back to the pick-up point for more. Ringo directed
cars into the church grounds, and very soon all the parking spaces were filled
up. Ed waited for the mayoress to arrive, and escorted her to the hall. He
directed her to the platform and switched on the microphone. Raising his hand to
silence the throng, he started on his speech of welcome.
"My
lady mayoress, ladies and gentlemen, I am delighted to see so many here today. I
would like to thank the mayoress for graciously consenting to perform the
opening ceremony, and I would also like to thank the band of workers who are
manning the stalls. It really goes without saying that we could not have had the
fair without the generosity the people of Bryde's Bay, and I will call upon her
worship to say a few words. Ladies and gentlemen, the mayoress, Mrs. Lauren
Order."
The
assembled crowd applauded Lauren as she got to her feet and shook hands with Ed.
Then she came forward to the microphone, and, clearing her throat, said:
"Thank
you Mr. Counter for your warm welcome, and now it gives me great pleasure to
declare the Bryde's Bay May Fair open."
Sylvie
Service, five year old daughter of Philip and Ava, stepped forward and presented
Lauren with a large bouquet. More applause broke out, and then there was a
stampede for the stalls. The money boxes were rapidly filling up, whilst
outside, fathers and children enjoyed the games, then met up with wives and
mothers to make their way to the tea tent.
Annie Wyn Elpus arrived in the minibus with her tribe of children. She
put the baby into the push chair and moved towards the church hall. Ever since
Evan had gone to prison, she had been receiving money every week, and decided to
give the children a rare treat. She gave them each a little money, and sent them
over to the bran tub. "Now don't be going away," she instructed them.
"I'll meet you in ten minutes at the big tent."
Laverne Bacon drove into the parking area and went across to see
Melamine. Laverne was the butcher from Great Shambles, and had supplied sausages
and burgers at cost price, since the profits were going to church funds. The
ladies were glad to see her, as stocks were running low.
"We've
had a marvelous turnout Laverne, and people are still arriving," Sian
informed her.
"I
think we would need another ten pounds of sausages and perhaps one hundred
burgers," said Melamine.
"Right
then, I'll go and get them from the van."
Madge and Sadie entered the marquee, heavily laden with purchases. "Youse
grab a coupla chairs Sadie, an' I'll get wer eats. I'm starvin'."
Sian
waited for Madge's order.
"Two
teas please Sian luv, an' two cheeseburgers." Then Madge spied the fat pork
sausages sizzling in the pan. "Oh, an' two o' them hat dawgs as well, wi' a
good helpin' o' onions. Have yiz gat any o' thon John D mustard? I'll have a dab
or two on each one, an' a wee squirt o' tamata sorce as well. Don't ferget a
leaf o' lettuce an' a slice o' tamata as well."
"Will
that be all Madge?" queried Sian. "That comes to five pounds and fifty
pence please."
"Here's
six quid. Keep the change," said Madge, slapping the money down on the
table.
She
carried the tray over to the table and joined Sadie. Tucking into her
cheeseburger, she said "This'll keep us goin' til we get wer dinners. Youse
come til my house an' we'll have a good feed. We can heat up them pork pies we
bought from Ameron. Whaddyethink?"
"Oh
aye," agreed Sadie, "and we can finish aff wi' thon rhubarb tart. Have
yiz gat any cream Madge?"
"Cream?
Cream? There's whippin' cream, double cream, ice cream, face cream, an' even
cream fer wer fate. Anythin' yiz want Sadie, I've gat it."
"O.K.
O.K. I only asked. I must say Madge, my fate are quite tired ny. I'd love til
get them intil a bucket o' hat watter."
"Well
nar Sadie, I toul yiz nat til be wearin' them staccato heels. I jist knew ye'd
be sufferin' by nar, that's why I wore me gutties. When we get til the house,
jist yiz kick aff them high heels an' stick yer fate in a bucket o' salt watter,
then rub a wee bit o' foot cream intil them. They'll be right as rain
then."
They
finished their 'snack' and took a final walk around the stalls, then got into
Madge's car and went home.
The
fair was a roaring success, as all who had helped out agreed. The final total
was just short of two thousand pounds.
"Absolutely
wonderful!" beamed Ed. "Thank you so much everyone."
The
last few customers left the church grounds and headed home. Ringo removed his
white gloves and went over to let Ed know that he was returning to the station.
"Oh
please have something to eat before you go," begged the vicar. "You
have been on duty since one o'clock without a break."
"Thank
you sir. That would be most welcome," replied the constable.
By
half past six, everyone had gone. The hall and grounds had been tidied up.
Madge
and Sadie were tucking into their pork pies, and the youngest of the Elpus
children were already in bed. It had been an enjoyable day for everyone.
Bryde's
Bay was very quiet. The moon was shining over the water, casting a ribbon of
silver across the boats moored at the jetty. Village cats ran about unhindered,
scavenging for odd scraps of food. Everyone was asleep.
Everyone,
that is, except Madge and Sadie, who sat in "NATDUNROMINYET" making
plans....
ARNIE
LETTERS HAS A SPECIAL DELIVERY
Molly Coddle opened the gate of 'Cloak and Dagger' and made her way up to
Mrs. Mole's front door. It was nine o'clock on the tenth of May, a very
auspicious occasion for the grand old lady. Molly entered the kitchen and began
to prepare breakfast for her elderly charge. She had been Mrs. Mole's
housekeeper for ten years. She
heard Mrs. Mole call out
"is
that you Molly?"
Molly
crossed the hall and went into the centenarian's bedroom.
"Good
morning Mrs. Mole, and a very happy birthday to you. Congratulations. Here is a
little something for you," she twittered, handing Flossie a parcel.
"Oh
Molly, you shouldn't have bothered, but thank you very much indeed," she
said, as she started to unwrap the gift. Inside was a pale blue cardigan.
"How
lovely!" declared the birthday girl, "and my favourite colour too.
However did you know?"
"I'm
glad you like it my dear. Now, I'll just put it to one side and bring in your
breakfast."
It was whilst Mrs. Mole was dipping her soldiers into a lightly boiled
egg that the doorbell rang. Molly hurried to answer it, and there stood Arnie
with a huge pile of cards.
"Come
in, Arnie. Go on into Mrs. Mole's bedroom. She is just finishing her
breakfast."
Arnie
went into the room and wished Mrs. Mole many happy returns as he set down the
cards on her bedside table.
"Goodness
me! Such a lot of cards there Arnie. Reach me my glasses please - they are over
there on the dressing table."
Arnie
reached the spectacles to her and bade her farewell.
"I'll
probably see you later," he added as he left.
Molly came in to collect the tray, and Mrs. Mole showed her the cards.
"I never imagined that I had so many friends in Bryde's Bay," she
said.
"And
why not?" queried Molly. "You really are very well liked you know.
Now, what would you like to wear today? It would need to be something very
special, because I would guess that you will be having lots of visitors."
"Let
me see. I think I'll wear my nice royal blue frock, and that lovely new
cardigan."
"Right
then. I'll leave them out for you. Give me a call if you need me, I'll be across
in the lounge giving it a good clean up."
Down at the community hall, the ladies were busy getting ready for the
surprise party. They set out tables and chairs, and decorated the walls with
balloons and streamers. Madge and Sadie were hanging up a huge banner across the
hall with "HAPPY BIRTHDAY MRS. MOLE. ONE HUNDRED TODAY." EMBLAZONED ON
IT.
Penny Black was sorting out another pile of cards at the post office when
Arnie arrived on his bicycle.
"You
are just in time," greeted Penny, "Mrs. Mole seems to be the only one
in the village to be receiving any mail today!"
"I
wonder why?" laughed Arnie, looking out of the window. He saw an official
looking car drawing up at the door. A man got out, and Arnie recognised the
Postmaster General from Great Shambles.
"Wonder
what he wants?" said Penny.
Frank
Daly came into the sub-office and asked Penny if there was a resident by the
name of Mrs. Flossie Mole living in the village.
"Oh
yes, and she is one hundred years old today," replied Penny.
"Good,
good," said Frank, "perhaps you would deliver this telegram to her. It
has come from the palace, and I brought it over straight away."
"I'll
see to that immediately sir," said Arnie, taking the telegram from Frank.
He left the office and went back to Badger Lane. When he arrived there, he saw
that the door was open, so he went inside and found the old lady surrounded by
flowers and cards.
"I
have some more for you," he said, "but more importantly, this
telegram," as he handed it to her.
Mrs.
Mole opened the telegram immediately and read the greeting. Arnie noticed a
little tear running down her cheek and discreetly moved away.
Ed and Melamine were next to arrive, and Melamine asked Molly to get Mrs.
Mole a suitable coat, as they intended taking her out for a little drive.
"Oh
how lovely!" said Flossie, whose hearing was still very sharp. "I do
like to see about me. Molly, fetch me my warm jacket and my handbag
please."
In a
few minutes Ed escorted the VIP to his car, and fastened her seat belt.
Melamine, still inside the house told Molly to go down to the hall and inform
the others that Mrs. Mole would be arriving in about twenty minutes. "We'll
take her along to Roller Cove and back, so that should give the 'girls' time to
make the tea," and she was off down the path to join her husband.
As
soon as the car was out of sight, Molly locked the door and hurried down to the
party. She passed on the message to the ladies who put the kettles on to boil.
In what seemed only a few minutes, the hall was packed to capacity with well
wishers. Rael and Teenie arrived after school had finished, and the traders of
the village had closed early, since this was a very special occasion.
"Here
they come now," said Avu.
"Right
now everybody, keep very quiet until they come in," instructed Dr. Panacea.
Inside Ed's car, Mrs. Mole wanted to know why they were stopping at the
community hall.
"I'd
like you to come in and see the inside. We have had it decorated,"
explained Ed, going round to open the door. He and Melamine helped Flossie to
the door and ushered her inside.
All
of a sudden, everyone began to cheer and clap, and burst out singing 'Happy
Birthday to You'. Mrs. Mole was visibly moved by all this, and she was led to
the chair of honour at the top table. Tea was served, and when they had
finished, Sacha Torte carried in the biggest cake that anyone had ever seen. It
was beautifully decorated, with one candle in the centre. Mrs. Mole duly obliged
by blowing out the candle and cutting the first slice. All the guests agreed
that it tasted very good indeed. There followed a speech from Ed, who finished
by presenting Mrs. Mole with a new television set, a present from the hamleteers.
The photographer from the 'Sentinel' took several shots of the presentation,
after which Mrs. Mole thanked everyone for their kindness and love.
Ed ran her back home again as she was feeling a little bit tired. Back at
'Cloak and Dagger', Molly tidied up the lounge, and made space for the set which
Ardis was going to deliver fairly soon. When Molly brought Flossie a cup of tea,
she found her fast asleep, clutching that very special telegram.....
A TALE OF TWO SISTERS
Margaret
and Sarah Duff, known to their school friends as 'Hard' and
'Plum', were born and brought up in the tight end of the big smoke, their
house overshadowed by the huge gantries of the nearby shipyard. When they left
school, they acquired jobs in one of the huge mills near the dockyard. Traveling
to and from work by tram, they stayed at their jobs until their respective
marriages. Margaret worked as a sorter, and Sarah was employed in the packing
department, where the finished articles were either sent to local retail
outlets, or packed for export to America, Canada and other such places. When
they received their pay on a Friday afternoon, they looked forward to a shopping
spree on Saturday.
"I
s'pose thon wee insurance man'll be waitin' fer his shillin' as usual,"
said Madge. "Yiz'd think we was goin' til emigrant the way he luks at yiz."
"Aye,
yer right," said Sadie, "an' the Co quarter's next week, so he'll jist
have til wait."
They
got on to their usual tram on the Friday evening, their clothes reeking of
tobacco, and their hands stained brown. As soon as they reached home, (and paid
the insurance man) they washed and scrubbed themselves, then steeped their
overalls. They felt much better in clean clothes, and had their tea from the
'chippie' round the corner.
Saturday
came, and they accompanied their mother to the city centre, where they would buy
their foodstuffs for the incoming week. Their mother would go back home, leaving
her daughters to their own bit of personal shopping. On Saturday nights, the
girls would go to a dance, and sometimes bought a new dress for the occasion.
They were both good singers, and were often asked to 'do a turn' during the
interval. It was at the dance on Boxing night one year that Madge met 'big
Shughie' Conda, who was to become her husband. Shughie was a fitter in another
mill, and told Madge that he did not intend staying there for ever.
"Whaddya
mean?" asked Madge, "shoor yiz need the dosh til live on. Whaddle yiz
do?"
"Ach
well, I seen a job in the paper, fer fitters in South Americky. The pay's good,
and ye don't pay any tax."
"Where
abouts?" demanded Madge.
"Brazil.
Rio de Janeiro," came the reply.
"Rio
de January?" gasped Madge, "an' whaddle I do when yiz are there, may I
ask?"
"Shoor
we could get married, an' ye could come wi' me."
"Is
thon supposed til be a preposition?"
"Well,
if ye put it like that, I s'pose so," said Shughie.
"Well,
in that case, yiss," beamed Madge, and hurried over to tell Sadie her news.
The
family, although flabbergasted, were nonetheless very happy for Madge.
"I'll
miss yiz when yiz go," said her tearful mother.
"I'll
miss yiz too, but shoor yiz can come an' visit us," replied Madge.
The
wedding took place the following Spring, and the newlyweds set off for South
America, courtesy of the Brazilian Glue Company, where Shughie had found his new
job. He stuck to it for twenty years. A small house was waiting for them in Rio,
and Madge and Shughie were extremely happy, because with Shughie's huge wage
increase, they were able to buy whatever they needed to furnish their house.
Madge wrote to Sadie and her mother every week, telling them about the wonderful
life which they were enjoying. She also told them that there would be a new
member of the family in the new year, all being well.
Sadie managed to go and see Madge after the baby arrived, and intended
spending a few weeks with her sister.
"What's
her name?" she asked, when she first saw her niece.
"Well,"
began Madge, "when I was in the osbidal, Shughie bought me a lovely
snakeskin hair band when she wus born, so we couldn't call her anything else but
Anna."
"Anna
Conda," repeated Sadie, "shoor that's lovely."
"Whit's
the news from home?"
"Well,
yiz know Shughie's cousin, Alec Smart? I met him at the dance, an' we're gettin'
married next year, Sadie began, "he's the night watchman at the mill where
Shughie worked, an' he's gettin' a pay rise in the Autumn."
"That's
smashin'. Mebbe we'll get over til the weddin'," said Madge.
"Aye
indeed, an' mebbe wee Anna cud be wer flar girl, if she's walkin' by then."
"That
wud be lovely. I'm shoor she'll be up on 'er pins by then," said the proud
mother.
Sadie travelled back home again, leaving Madge, Shughie and Anna waving
good-bye at the harbour. By that Christmas, Anna was taking her first steps, and
Madge wrote to Sadie to tell her this. Shughie had managed to get two weeks off
for the wedding, so they would all be arriving in a couple of days before the
ceremony. They had booked a passage on a ship which would be docking at the
wharf near their old home.
Sadie
was busy making preparations. She had hired a dressmaker, who would make
something suitable for herself and wee Anna. Madge would be matron of honour,
and she was to bring her own outfit. Shughie was to be best man, although he
wasn't very good at public speaking.
So,
Sadie and Alec were married, and went off to Spain on honeymoon. Madge, Shughie
and Anna returned to Rio, and things settled down again until one day Shughie
received a letter from Alec, saying that he had been paid off, and the
likelihood of another job seemed remote. They had, by now, a young son,
Napoleon, who needed so many things, and could Shughie see his way to a little
financial help?
"Napoleon?"
said Madge. "I s'pose Alec gat our Sadie a battle o' brandy when he wus
born?"
"Naw
Madge. He bought her a half pound o' brandy balls!"
Shughie
thought for a long time before making his decision. "We'll go back home
Madge," he announced one day, "shoor I've done enough years here til
get a pension when I'm an oul' lad. Whaddye think?"
"I
think that's great. Anna cud do wi' a good schoolin' and she shoor won't get it
here. Youse go til the shippin' agent an' see what he comes up wi'."
The Conda family arrived home again and made straight for Alec's house in
Bryde's Bay. The Smarts had moved there when Alec lost his job, and had obtained
a small house in Knowe Way. Likewise, the Condas were given a similar house in
the same place, as, after a short time living with Alec, they were considered a
priority. Whilst Madge and Sadie were at the beach with the children, Shughie
and Alec discussed their future.
"Ye
know Shughie, I'm tempted til go back til wer oul' ways," said
Alec."My job prospects aren't looking good."
"Might
not be a bad idea," replied his cousin, "but we'll need til case a few
joints first."
"Hy're
yiz aff fer cash?"
"Ach
I put away a tidy sum for Madge an' Anna, in case anything shud happen til me.
Whaddabout youse?"
"The
very same. I didn't want til be dippin' intil the savin's, and that's why I
wrote til yiz."
Not
having anything else to do, they walked along Douglas Street to make mental
notes of anywhere that looked promising. They reached the church at the far end
of the village and stopped. Two men were putting new lead on the church roof,
and the Counters were away for one month's holiday.
"That's
it! Looks like we might have struck it lucky chum," whispered Shughie.
"These boys is near finished, an' we could relieve the church of the new
lead when they've gone away. Should make a good price y'know."
The
work was finished on Saturday, and the men took away the scaffolding. Alec and
Shughie went along on Saturday night to have a look around for ladders, and
spotted two extra long ones at the back of the vicarage.
"We're
in luck," said Alec, "how 'bout early tomorrow mornin'. There won't be
anyone about."
"Right,"
said Shughie, "I'll see yiz here at seven o'clock. You can be lookout
whilst I remove the lead. After all, yiz're nat very good at climbin'
ladders."
And
so the plans were made.
"What
if we DO get caught?" asked Alec.
"Well,
wer savin's should be enough til do the girls fer the duration."
Early next morning, two shadowy figures entered the church grounds. Alec
fetched the ladders. Carefully they set them against the wall, and Shughie began
to climb up. He reached the roof and began to remove the lead. Alec kept watch,
just in case anyone should come along. Shughie was just removing the last of the
lead when Alec shouted to him.
"Hurry
up there Shughie, there's a car coming this way. I'm aff."
Shughie
put the bag over his shoulder and slid down the ladders, straight into the arms
of Sandy Haire! Sandy had been over at Great Shambles, and had spotted Shughie
on his return.
"What
have we here?" "Oh I see. A smart alec in the village, eh? Thought we
would help ourselves to the new lead, did we? Who was the other fella with you?
Run off, did he? Not a very good mate, eh?"
Shughie
knew when he was beaten. He did not tell about Alec, but went quietly with
Sandy, down to the police station, where he was formally charged with theft.
We'll
let Madge tell the story herself......
I'm livin' in a smashin' big house at the end of Douglas Street, but I'll
tell yiz more about that later on.Yiz all know har my Shughie ended up doin'
government service. He wus up before the beak the mornin' after he done the job.
Ach, he luked awful well. I wus real proud o' him. He'd his best pink shirt on
under his dingaroos, his yella hackney jacket, old check duncher and his DM
boots. When yer man passed sentence on him, he tuk it like a man - cried like a
baby! "Nivver min' Shughie" sez I, "I'll be up til see yiz
soon." He luked around at me an' give me a wee wave, then two big wardrobes
tuk him aff. I wus absolutely morticed! I didn't know where til luk when I left
the coorthouse, but I wus jist in time til see him bein' carted aff in a black
tiara. What on earth wus I goin' til do? No man til bring in a wage. Shughie had
done well over the years, especially in Rio de January, where he had stuck til
his job as a foreman in the glue factory for near thirty years.I jist sat down
on one o' them seats an' sung a wee song til meself.
Whaddle I do, ny Shughie's gone away,
Ten years til the day, whaddle I do?
I wonder where he hid thon savin's book
I'll have a luk, that's what I'll do.
What if I'm left wi' only fifteen bob?
A quare bad job it's true -
I'll ring our Sadie when I get back home,
I'll seek a loan, that's what I'll do.
We
didn't have a car at the time, so I gat the bus back til Bryde's Bay, an' went
til the Regal 'otel fer a good feed.Soup,turkey, sassigis, peas, beans an' mash,
wi' lashin's o' gravy. Yiz wud've thought thon turkey wus takin' swimmin'
lessons! Then I had strawberry Pavarotti and caffee wi' biscuits and Gorbalzola
cheese. That lot soon cheered me up, an' I gat til thinkin' about what til do ny.
I'd be on me own fer ten years, an' I wus detergent that I wus nat goin' til get
mesel' intil a route. I knew that Shughie had prabably stashed away some
spondoolix fer a rainy day, an' right ny it luked as if there was a thunderstorm
comin'. I called intil the Pondicherry on the way home til Knowe Way, an' gat a
cupple o' tralleyloads. Harry Khari said he wud run the goods up til me house,
so I went home and waited. As soon as he had been, I stuck the kettle on an'
opened a wee bax o' cakes, jist fer a wee snack. Whilst I wus drinkin' me tea, I
thought I'd have a gander upstairs fer the bank books. I luked in the back o'
the wardrobe, an' there they were, in an oul' bax. I opened them an' near
fainted! Most of the money had come from the jab in South Americky, but the rest
had obliviously been accumulussed from his more recent jabs. Two million pound!
And that had been lyin' fer near two years wiout bein' marked up fer the
interest. Thank goodness it wus a joint account.
The
phone started til ring, so I picked up the expansion by the bed. It wus our
Sadie, an' she wus cryin' somethin' shackin'. 'Oh Madge' sez she, in a wee
quivery voice, 'they gat Alec this mornin', an' he's away fer ten years too.'
I
asked her what happened, an' she said that he'd been knacked down by a Sinclair
C-5, whatever that is - in Great Shambles.
Cud
he nat have juked roun' a corner? sez I.
'Hardly,
sez she, he wus lyin' on his back at the time, an' he was tuk by the peelers up
til the station. They were goin' til charge him wi' jailwalking, then they
realised who he wus, an' brought him til the beak, and he sent him til Woodworm
fer ten years. If only he cud've shared a cell wi' your Shughie, they'd've been
company fer each other.'
Ny
stap yer cryin' Sadie, sez I, yer nat doin' yersel' any good. C'mon down fer yer
tea, an' we'll see what we'll do.
I
decided til ring Loaded & Co. the estate agent til see if the big house wus
still fer sale, along at the end of the road. They said it wus, an' wud I like
til see it? No, sez I, I know what it's like. I'll put an offer on it, an' I
give them me name an' address.
I
rang Philip N. Service next, an' toul' him I wanted til buy a car, imminently.
He said that the only thing he had was a Fido, so I sez that'll do, an' cud he
bring it down right away. He wus here in fifteen minnits, an' I give him a
cheque fer it. Boys a dear, it wus great to be mobile again!
Sadie
arrived soon afterwards, clutchin' a big bax o' 'Sniffles' tissues. Her eyes wus
as red as Rudolf's nose. She come in an' sat on the sofa. 'Whadder we goin' til
do Madge?'
Do/
Do/ sez I. I'll tell yiz what we're goin' til do Sadie. She luked at me all
auspicious like.
I've
put in a bid fer thon big house at the end o' the village, an' I intend havin' a
good time fer the next ten years.
'Oooooh,'
she wailed, an' on come the waterworks again.
See
thon car outside Sadie? Well, I've jist this minnit bought it from Philip.
Sadie
gat up an' luked out the windy. 'That's very nice Madge. Did it cost much?'
Who
cares about the cost Sadie? Shughie made sure I'd be well aff at the bank. I
suggest you check your bank books too. Ye might get a wee shack, same as me.
We
had another wee snack, an' Sadie seemed a bit better.
Why
don't yiz stay the night luv, an' we can decide what we'll do after breakfast.
I'll make some steak an' chips, wi' a few musherooms,peas an' tamatas threw in.
On
come the tears again. Whadd've I said ny? I asked her.
'That's
Alec's favourite meal ' she blubbered.
Ach
Sadie:
When yer cryin', when yer cryin'
Yer eyes an' nose turn red;
When yer sighin', when yer sighin'
Yiz give me a sore head;
So come on Sadie, lie back in yer chair
I'll make wer tea whilst you tidy yer hair,
Stap yer cryin' and stap yer sighin',
Shooor we'll be all right ny.
That
wee rendition soon cheered her up, an' she smiled a bit. That's better, sez I,
ny go til the bathroom an' splash some coul' watter on yer face.
After
tea, the two of us sat down fer a chat. I suggested that we head aff in Fido
next mornin' fer a wee trip. Sadie agreed, an' asked if I'd mind if she tuk a
nice hat bath. Nat at all Sadie, go on ahead luv, shoor it'll help ye til
relapse. I'll clear up here an' make yiz a cuppa tea when yer ready til put yer
jammies on.
Aff
she went an' filled the bath fer a good long soak whilst I wrenched the dishes
an' put the kettle on. I thought I heard her cryin' again, so I went til the
battam o' the stairs, but as I listened, I cud hear her singin':
Yesterday,
My wee Alec Smart wus tuk away, Sent up til the Worm his debt til pay,
Ten years he gat jist
yesterday.
Why he had til go we all know he tuk some lead,
I know he done wrong, but he's sarry, so he said;
Madge 'n' me went til visit at oul' Clabbery,
Her big Shughie is in there you see,
Oh what'll we do till they're free?
Yiz
know, Alec Smart's a kind soul too, jist like Shughie. He luked after our Sadie
quare 'n' well. I don't s'pose they've as much in the bank as us, but our
Sadie's goin' til be o.k. Her house is like pins on paper yiz know. She
scrupulates it every day, an' she has a lovely half-moon at her front door. Roun'
the back they've a wee lean-to where they keep their transport - a motor bike
an' sidecar. I must tell yiz, Alec 'n' Sadie luk great in their flyin' helmets
an' goggles.
Sadie yelled down the stairs that she wus near ready til come down, so I
boiled up the kettle an' made a couple o' doorsteps each, an' we made wer plans.
I said that we'd take wer bank books intil the manager in the mornin' til get 'em
marked up. It shudn't take long wi' them combusters, then we can decide what til
do when we come out.
Next mornin', V.C.Tenn arrived at the 'Fly by Night' an' was surprised
til see me waitin' fer him. He bid me good mornin' an' asked if there wus
anythin' he cud do fer me. I jist want til collect some brochures, I toul' him.
Sadie 'n' me wants til go on a really good hallyday, so if yiz wud oblige me wi'
some o' them better class ones, we'll make up wer minds where til go.
"Where
were you thinking of going Madge? We have hundreds of brochures here, so if you
could give me a clue as to your preference, I could pick out something
suitable."
I
thought fer a few minnits, then toul him that I wud luv til go on a cruise,
maybe around the Carborundum, or somethin' like that.
"Very
well", sez he, "but a cruise can be quite expensive you know."
Money's
no objection til us, sez I. Yiz know, he irrigated me a bit when he said that.
Anyhar, he handed me about a dozen assorted books, an' I brought 'em home. Sadie
wus waitin' fer me.
"Where
were yiz Madge? I thought yiz were away wi'out me, but I seen Fido at the front,
so I knew yiz were'nt far away."
I
toul' her where I'd been, an' asked her if she wus ready fer the road.
"Oh
aye," sez she, an' aff we went. Sadie collected her books. an' said that
she had gat a shack when she luked inside. She didn't know that she had so much
money, an' nivver thought til ask Alec.
Good
show, sez I. We'll get over til the bank an' see what wer totals are when they
mark 'em up.
Both
of us was well pleased when we come outa the bank, an' I sez til Sadie that we'd
go roun' til the estate agent til pay fer the house before someone else beat us
til it. We wus well received at Loaded & Co., especially when I toul the
manager, Manny Pounds, that it wus a cash sale, an' I demanded immediate
position. He tuk the cheque an' haunded me the keys. He also agreed til sell the
oul house in Knowe Way. We went til have a luk at the house til see what wus
needed.
"Cor,
Madge. It's as big as the Palace!" exclaimed Sadie, her eyes as big as
saucers. I had til agree wi' her, an' said we'd nip roun' til Knowe Way til make
a few phone calls whilst she made wer mid mornin' break.
Whilst
we had wer caffee, Sadie asked me if I was goin' til give the house a name, an'
I asked her what she wud suggest.
"What
about DUNROMIN?"
Naw,
I answered, I've nat done roamin yet. Here! That's what I'll call it -
NATDUNROMINYET. So, the name had been decided, an' I ordered a large wooden sign
to be erected on the gate post, at the end of the big drive.
First call I made wus til Lynn O'Leum, who has a big carpet shap at
Roller Cove, an' she wud make curtains till match if yiz want. She said she wud
call next mornin' an' bring a few samples wi' her. Next call wus til Matt
Finnish, the painter. He toul me he had a wee jab til do, but it wud only take
him about an hour.I arranged wi' him til come next mornin' too, so's he cud get
paint 'n' paper til match the carpets. That bein' most of the mornin's business
done, I rang Ivor Vacancy til book a table fer wer dinners. I sez til Sadie that
we cud luk at them brochures an' book somethin' wi V.C. later on.
"What
else did yiz have in mind?" queried Sadie, so I sez til her that I thought
that wus enough fer one day, an' we cud sort out wer clothes after we had been
til the 'Fly by Night.'
It
wus whilst we were on wer second puddin' that I spied the 'Cruise of a Lifetime'
headline in one o' the books. I near choked on me surprise bomb, an' Sadie
reached over an' lifted the book. After she had a quick scan, she said that she
wud really fancy the cruise. We paid wer bill an' left fer Knowe Way, where we
had a longer luk at the details. We had two months til get ready, an' that
suited well as I would have 'NATDUNROMINYET'
all fixed up the way I wanted.
Sadie
said she wud go home an' sort out a few things. She wanted til do a bit o'
shappin' next day, an' then she'd call over in the afternoon.
Lynn O'Leum went through the house like a whipped cat, makin' notes o'
this 'n' that, an' said she'd be ready til hang the grapes next week. She
thought she'd be finished in about two days, once she got started. Matt started
the decoratin' right away, an' done the house from tap til battam. I seen Sadie
comin' up the drive in her new red astronaut, an' cud see her face was like a
wet weekend. As soon as she come in, I asked her what wus wrong, an' she
started.
The Cove is alive wi' the sound of gassip
Each time I go out, they all stand and stare;
I go til the shaps an' I hear them whisper,
And I sez til myself Sadie you don't care;
But I tell you its hard til smile when you know that they
Are all talkin' about yer man,
I feel like packin' an' runnin' away
Til the Isle of Man;
It isn't my fault, so I don't know why
They are treating me thus-
I walk out the door
And get on the Great Shambles bus, 'cos
The Cove is alive wi' the sound of gassip,
They stand on the streets an' along the shore,
I'll sell up my house an' go somewhere diff'rent
And get peace once more.
Fer
goodness sake Sadie, pull yerself tilgether, sez I. Shoor we're goin' away soon,
so ferget them oul eejits in Roller Cove. Put yer house up fer sale an' move in
wi' me here. Whaddye think o' the deecor? "Vary nice, I like the colour o'
yer bedroom."
Oh
aye, I agreed, but it was ever so hard til get puce paint. Matt had til get it
mixed special. Ny, away an' make us some tea whilst I fix up the furniture.
"What
wud yiz like Madge? What have yiz gat?"
Ach
Sadie, jist have a rummage through me drawers an' yiz'll find somethin' that'll
do. I'll eat anything as yiz well know, so jist surprise me.
I like bread an' butter,
I like eggs 'n' ham,
I like fish 'n' chips
An' on a Sunday, some roast lamb;
Oh I like fresh cream trifle
I like lemon mouse,
If yiz come til visit me
Yiz'll see these at my house;
I like tasted sody,
An' fresh made taty fadge,
Wi' butter runnin' down me chin
I'm known as greasy Madge;
Oh I like fresh cream trifle,
An' I like lemon mouse,
If yiz come til visit me
Yiz'll see these at my house.
Well,
I fair enjoyed Sadie's feed, then we gat out the cruise books an' had another
gander at 'em. This is the very thing, sez I, a theee week cruise wi' the Nesta
Line's new boat, the 'Pollyanna', sailin' to the eyesores, the Canaries, Flarida
an' South Americky, wi' a two day stop at the Windies in the Carborundum. Let's
book the marra Sadie.
"O.K.
Madge. How much is it?"
who
cares? Shoor we haveit. We'll book one o' them pinthouse suits an' do it in
style.
Money, money, money,
Lats o' money
Has been stashed away;
Ny that we've gat money
Things luk sunny
Fer wer hallyday;
We'll go away til sea,
Jist our Sadie 'n' me,
Wi' wer purses stuffed wi' money
We'll go roun' the world.
Ach
Sadie, I'm lukin' forward til it already. I can show yiz roun' Rio when we get
there. The boat is stappin' at Caracas, where we can but maracas, then on til
Rio fer two days before sailin' on past Essential Island.
Cruisin' past Madeero
On a sunny summer day,
Whilst yiz an' me
Are sippin' tea
Sendin' cards til the Bay;
The crew will take wer orders
An' the band will start til play
Cruisin' past Madeero
On a sunny summer day.
We
booked up wi' V.C next day, an' paid wer money. We decided til fly til London a
coupla days previous, as we had til be in Southampton at eleven-thirty on the
fifth o' June. Wer passepartouts were in order, an' we bought a lat o' rigouts.
Well, yiz can't go swannin' aff in yer oul duds ny, can yiz? Whilst we wus out
shappin', we called intil the card shap til buy some o' them amputation cards
fer wer housewarmin' party which we decided til have when we gat home from wer
cruise. Sadie spatted some wi' arsvips on 'em. Them's handy, sez I, so we bought
five baxes, as we intended havin' a real good blowout. When we came home, I went
til make us a wee bite, an' I rang a new firm of caterers, called Horse Doovers,
in Great Shambles, the owner being called Smorges Bord. He said he would call
over that afternoon wi' his assistant Patty Cake, an' bring a few suggestives wi'
him.
I
wus palishing the windies inside, when Sadie sez 'Here Madge, what's thon Nesta
Line boat doin' sailin' past Bryde's Bay? I thought it went from Port Ability
til Scatlan'.'
Aye
Sadie, it used til, but nat ny.....
The Nesta Line
Sails by my windy,
The Nesta Line
All blue an' white;
I see the smoke from her two funnels
Six times a day, and twice at night;
Since I came back home
A month ago
I feel so sad when
I hear her blow;
As she disappears past Racky's lighthouse
I feel the tears start til fall.
Ach,
it fair makes me depressed when I see it goin' past on her way til Scatland.
Sadie 'n' me always enjoy goin' fer a wee sail on 'er. That's why we're goin' on
wer cruise. Anyhar, we seen them cooks comin' up til the door, an' Sadie let 'em
in. We all sat down, an' yer man tuk a sheaf o' papers outa his detatched case.
"What
sort of catering did you have in mind madam? A finger buffet perhaps?"